Wave of Depression

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I had a wave of depression hit me yesterday in the early morning hours. I spend most Christmas' alone. Yes... I will sometimes get invited to Christmas parties, and get cards (sometimes gifts too)...etc. in the mail. But all season long, after listening to songs, eating goodies..etc...there seems to be this expectancy of a "miracle" on Christmas morn, when your dreams and desires will come true. Then that day comes and I wake up...and there is nothing. It is empty. No laughter. No joy watching others (and yourself) opening gifts. It is like the biggest let down. Disappointment. Sometimes it becomes the worst day of the year for me. Oh... Don't get me wrong. It is not about the materialism. But about that special day when people bless each other with companionship; showing others you that appreciate them. It is fun, and rewarding. Now... Some of you scrooges, and folks who have never experienced this...please do not try to minimize, and/or over spiritualize it. I think I have done pretty darn well, trying to stay positive after all that I have been through. But be honest here... Most can not tell me that you don't get excited on Christmas morn. Because you do. Even those of you who are in your "golden years." And most years... I am okay, and deal with it just fine. But a few years here and there, it has been hard, and for some reason...this year is one of them. I miss the shopping. The excitement. Dragging everyone out of bed to see what they Santa brought them. It is the one time of year...we could all act like kids, and just be free with our emotions. I spent almost 7 hours Thankgiving day making dinner for a few homeless men. Yes... I enjoyed it. Yes... It was wonderful to see them appreciate a nice Thanksgiving meal. But for some reason this year...I still walked away feeling lonely, and empty. Maybe it was because, no one was around that I knew; or had any lifelong history with... Who knows... I often think of not just the homeless...but those stuck in nursing homes that no one goes to see. What they must feel like? Yes... They have the staff, and maybe a few of them have made some friends there. But there are so many that never get a visitor from family and/or friends; (maybe because they are just too plain busy; or maybe they feel guilty for having put their loved ones in there; or maybe they just don't plain care) who knows the reason. I will visit a friend who is in a nursing home now. His name is Don Kalina. Many from the chapel days remember him. He had a center for all the servicemen to go to for fellowship, support, meals, and prayer. In fact... That is where I met my good friend Lance. It has been a few months since I have seen him, with all the things I have had to deal with myself (operations; other health issues; hurricanes' moving; etc.) I need to stop by and check up on him. Hope he is doing okay. Sometimes he remembers me, and sometimes he doesn't. But that does not matter to me. It matters that I am there; letting him know that his life of service to the armed services and the Lord, has never been forgotten. All I can say is this... That the human spirit never gets used to being alone. Even the ones who put on a brave face, and act like it does not bother them. Trust me... It bothers them, I myself have smiled many a time; acting tough like nothing is wrong; then go home and cry myself to sleep. The point I am making is this... If you know someone who is always alone. Or they are in a nursing home. Find some time to visit them this Christmas season, maybe on Christmas day. Or maybe you can invite them to dinner. Believe me, and I am speaking from experience... That one jester of kindness will do the soul a wonder of good. It can heal wounds of the hurting and broken heart. And isn't this what Christmas is all about anyway? To experience the season of miracles? Sure for many of you...it will be tough to break away from tradition. It will be tough to swallow your pride and say I am sorry; or hang out with someone that might get on your royal last nerve. Think about it though... Be honest with yourself. Have you ever considered that maybe you are the source of someone else's "thorn in the flesh"? No one is perfect. However...the freedom that comes from that union is beyond words to experess. The joy that you will experience when you see that individual and/or individuals faces light up, when they realize that someone gave a damn about them...is more valuable than all the lottery money you could ever win. And it will be good for your soul too... And if they live too far away... Drop a Christmas card and/or gift in the mail; or maybe giving them a call...letting them know you are thinking of them. Trust me when I tell you...those who have done this for me...have soothed an aching heart many a holiday season. And don't use the excuse I can not afford it. Everyone can afford to do someting. Even me...during, and after being homeless all these years, living with minimal funds...can muster up some spare change to do something...like sending a card; making someone something; sharing a meal. The possibilities are endless. Give up a Starbucks cup of coffee if you have to... The rewards will be far more enjoyable that you can ever imagine. In closing... My wish and prayer for each and everyone of you...is to spend this holiday season and look around you. Drop by a nursing home with some flowers, or Christmas cookies, and ask if there are those who get no visitors, and see if they will let you spread some Christmas cheer and an ounce of God's love. I guarantee you... If you do this... It will most definitely be a "Holly Jolly Christmas" for you...