I hate his 2nd job..
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
December 17, 2017 10:14am CST
About a year ago hubby got a 2nd job as a bouncer on the weekends. Every Friday and Saturday night he works until about 3am. This is in addition to his regular 50 hour a week job.
The money is definitely helpful. The part-time job pays on the opposite week as the full time job, so although it's much less, it helps us get gas and groceries on the weeks we don't get paid from our primary job. We're still pretty bad at saving from one week to the next. We're also still pretty bad with our credit cards so we still have high balances on those. But we can afford all of our bills and we're not really hurting for money. Truth is hubby just really likes to work.
But I just hate that he has to work all weekend long, and if he's not working he is sleeping.
It's 11 o'clock Sunday morning and he's still asleep. He may not wake up for hours yet. If I try to wake him up he'll be grumpy.. so I try not to unless we have plans or something.
I've asked him to cut down on the 2nd job so that we can enjoy our weekends occasionally, and he said he would after Christmas... Well we were done Christmas shopping weeks ago, we haven't needed money for Christmas since then, but he is still not cutting down on the hours.
It's been a year of not having him around on weekends, not being able to make Saturday night plans... and I'm getting a bit fed up. If I try to tell him he'll just remind me of all of our bills, and how he's trying to pay down the credit cards or have money to fix the house, or save towards our vacations... or whatever. None of which is actually happening because we're bad savers and we pretty much always just go spend whatever available money we have after the bills are paid...
Ok, I don't really have a point, I just felt like venting because I'm bored and he's asleep but I can't wake him up just because I'm bored and I don't know what we'll do when he does wake up because it's freezing outside and one of the kids is still at a sleepover anyway...
How is your Sunday going so far?
6 people like this
11 responses
@PainsOnSlate (21852)
• Canada
18 Dec 17
Years ago when we were younger and had young children we were in trouble with money. We sat down and talked about it, cut up the credit cards and let all the companies and people we owed that we would send them money every month in small amounts until we were debt free. Credit cards was the reason. It took us a couple of years to get everyone paid and having no debt was wonderful. It was years later when we moved to Canada that we got more credit cards but we have never paid interest, they are paid off every month and the reason we have them is convenience and having our spending on paper so we know exactly what we spend. I hope you can do the same and get control of your spending, its very scary when there is no money..
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
18 Dec 17
We aren't in trouble with our credit cards.. our finances are fine for the most part. The point was he doesn't really NEED to have this job, but he makes excuses to keep it because he likes it.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
21 Dec 17
@PainsOnSlate It helps, that's forsure. He got it because he wanted another car that was more expensive.. but then he refinanced that car and I'm covering the entire payment. It's still more expensive than his last car, and we still have some bills, and it helps to have the paycheck on the weeks we don't get paid... I'm sure we wouldn't be quite as okay as we are now if he didn't have the 2nd job..
But I never really meant for this to become a financial discussion.. it was more of a rant about how he isn't around.
1 person likes this
@PainsOnSlate (21852)
• Canada
19 Dec 17
@katsmeow1213 I thought he had the job because you needed it, sorry I misunderstood. When we were young we were in trouble and I share that often. Not using credit card for years was a life lesson for me....I would want my husband home on weekends to be with the family too if it wasn't necessary.
@NJChicaa (120104)
• United States
17 Dec 17
Sounds like you need to stop wasting your extra money and start paying down the bills. Do you have a job?
Once you pay off your bills, then he will feel comfortable cutting back on the 2nd job. Until then you should be happy that you have a hard-working husband who is doing what he has to do in order to provide for the family.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
17 Dec 17
Go read it again, especially the part about how we can afford our bills and we're not hurting for money.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
17 Dec 17
@NJChicaa I wouldn't say cute, I'd say I'm clarifying for people who are jumping to conclusions and getting judgemental when they don't know all the details. I hope my clarifications answered all of your questions, and if not then I'm sure some of my previous posts would do that as well.
@AmbiePam (93870)
• United States
17 Dec 17
I have no business giving advice to a married person as I am single. However, I find myself wanting to sit your hubby down and have a talk. 
But seriously, that's just not fair to you. You have mentioned before the family's difficulty to not spend money. That job seems to be giving him a false sense of financial security. If he quit one would hope that would motivate him to help the family finally start to make financial progress by not spending.
He could always help you with household things, but that doesn't make money. And you need alone time as a couple, which I'm surprised he hasn't considered. You deserve alone time. One person can't carry the relationship load forever. I'm sorry he is being this way. You are very self aware. You know what things you need to work on, and you admit when things are going wrong. That's rare.
My Sunday has been uneventful. I fully expected to attend church this morning, and I didn't. It's been bothering me. I gave the impression to my dad I was coming, and although he didn't seem bothered when I saw him this afternoon, I still feel badly about it.
But seriously, that's just not fair to you. You have mentioned before the family's difficulty to not spend money. That job seems to be giving him a false sense of financial security. If he quit one would hope that would motivate him to help the family finally start to make financial progress by not spending.
He could always help you with household things, but that doesn't make money. And you need alone time as a couple, which I'm surprised he hasn't considered. You deserve alone time. One person can't carry the relationship load forever. I'm sorry he is being this way. You are very self aware. You know what things you need to work on, and you admit when things are going wrong. That's rare.
My Sunday has been uneventful. I fully expected to attend church this morning, and I didn't. It's been bothering me. I gave the impression to my dad I was coming, and although he didn't seem bothered when I saw him this afternoon, I still feel badly about it.@AmbiePam (93870)
• United States
19 Dec 17
@katsmeow1213 My BIL used to do collections. He said it could get ugly. I would never be able to do it. I'd start cryng the 3rd or 4th time someone cussed me out.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
21 Dec 17
@AmbiePam Yeah, I don't handle rude customers very well, and that's literally all he ever deals with.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
18 Dec 17
Yeah I feel guilty too when I don't do something I know I should've done.
We did have a talk about it. He really likes his second job because it gives him a feeling his regular job doesn't give him. His regular job is tough.. it's collections. People are mean and rude to him. At his second job he's appreciated. So it's not really the money making him do it, but the recognition.. I get that, but still he's working too hard and we're all suffering for it. We discussed having him cut back on the Saturday nights so he doesn't sleep all day Sunday.
I have a feeling we're going to continue to struggle with this for awhile though because he really does like it so much. Ultimately he needs to replace his full time job, but that's hard due to how well it pays. He won't take something that pays less no matter how much better it would be for him.
2 people like this
@much2say (56002)
• Los Angeles, California
24 Dec 17
It's hard when one works a lot . . . the money is nice, but that time is spent working rather than spending quality time with family. I think of a family we know that goes through that . . . it's the wife that works a lot (and weird night shifts because she says the money is better) - but she's sleeping at weird times too. I rarely see her if I go to their house - she is always sleeping. In the mix is she doesn't drive at all - so stay-at-home Hubby carts her around. And half the time he is napping when I go there 
.
.@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
30 Dec 17
I'm sure that's tough.
Both of our cars are now having issues, so I can't really tell him to cut back on the hours anymore. He needs a few minor repairs, and my transmission may be shot but we need to get it into the shop to find out. I'm almost too afraid to find out.. I can't afford a transmission or a new car..
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
1 Jan 18
@much2say His repairs aren't awful. They're expensive, but it's not something extremely urgent. However, he needs the repairs to pass inspection which makes it rather urgent now as his inspection was up yesterday.
1 person likes this
@much2say (56002)
• Los Angeles, California
31 Dec 17
@katsmeow1213 Ugh - car issues! I hate going to the mechanics and that finding out part . . . and that always means more $. At the same time, we rely on our cars so much and need them to be working. Hope you guys can get the repair done soon!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
17 Dec 17
I'll probably be cleaning tomorrow as I have the day off.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
18 Dec 17
He's been working 2 jobs for most of the time I've known him. A lot of that time it was required because of our finances... but in the past he's just worked evenings and not overnights, so we didn't lose the whole next day. This job is really tough on all of us, but he loves it and doesn't want to give it up.
@GardenGerty (160940)
• United States
17 Dec 17
I can identify with not saving as you should. Perhaps if his extra check was directly deposited to a different account it would help. Mostly, I get it, you are bored and lonely while he is asleep. Some of that money should go to an emergency account in case he is ever sick.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
18 Dec 17
We tried that in the past and would make weekly visits to the spare account to withdraw it all.
I have my own savings set up that he has no access to because I am better at saving on my own than he is.
@rina110383 (24492)
•
18 Dec 17
It was a productive one. I cleaned my room, did some shopping for my parents and worked on some files for my client.
@Oshobu (661)
• Nigeria
17 Dec 17
Oh! Sunday is very good... Just coming from a Christmas Carol... It was awesome...
@catsholiday (460)
• Derby, England
17 Dec 17
Luckily we are retired but had a very pleasant Sunday lunch with my step daughter and family today
@Wogiam (63)
• United Kingdom
17 Dec 17
I hope you will feel better after writing about this. I can imagine how you must be feeling, it is important for family and couples to spend time together but the economy and financial situation is causing havoc everywhere.
I suggest you continue to support your husband as always and continue to remind him as gently as possible of the need for family time.
I am going through the same and we hardly see each other, I am also hoping for things to get better.
Best of luck.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
17 Dec 17
He does try to make the most of our Sundays usually and we typically have a date night most Sundays if we don't have other plans with the kids. I just wish he'd take an occasional Saturday off and not sleep all day on Sunday.
1 person likes this
