2012 Valentines Letter by 18y.o Me

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Yesterday, Valentine's day, I was stuck at home with barely anything to do. My boyfriend of 5years had to work the night shift and we're not the type to go out and celebrate Valentine's day- seeing a lot of couples out on a date with flowers, teddy bears and such is too cheesy for us to handle. Don't get us wrong, we definitely can feel the love in the air but going out on a date the same day as everyone makes us feel awkward. Not in a bad way though. Just in an awkward, kinda uncomfortable way. Im sure someone could relate and better explain how it feels for me. In the meantime, that's the best I could muster. Anyhoo, as I was just at home lazing around, surfing the net, I happened to stumble upon some old post I made 6 years ago- by an 18 year old me, on Valentine's day last 2012: [i]I am currently in between sessions of Facebook, Tumblr, YouTube and Twitter. Despite that, I am trying my best to write you a not-so-cheesy-all-out-expressed-feelings letter here on my laptop’s notepad. Note, rather. Whatever you call it. Ivan, The next 20 plus hours will be the start of our 3rd year together. The last two years were filled with confusions, excitements, mutual feelings, shared dislikes, numerous misunderstandings, film marathons, countless arguments, pigging out, liver and lung abuse, random conversations, sweet talks, dawn cuddles, comfortable silence, good times, bad times, okay times, worst and best times and a number of other things I can’t find the words to describe. The list goes on and on. We both have shared not only our good sides, but also the sides we chose to isolate deep within us. The side I chose for only you to see. You don’t fully understand me at all, for why I whine and rant a lot about anything but you’ve accepted me. You however did not go along well with my attitude but you’ve taught me to adjust, to be patient with you. I guess you are both privileged and unfortunate at the same time to have bore witness to my annoying side. Still, I thank you for taking good care of me despite my inadequacy. We both had screw-ups once in a while but we still accepted each other in spite of it all. We understood that sometimes, things need to get out of hand for us to learn. Best part is, we’d rather fix things than just throw away what we’ve built. I know that the type of relationship we’re having is not a walk in the park. It’s a constant struggle between having the idea of letting go for the betterment of us both and the need to hold on due to the undeniable fact that we both share this weird, mysterious, uncanny thing called love. Bittersweet. The start of our relationship was new to me that you’ve made such an impact on me that I found myself on a bizarre sphere, a strange sight. And yet, at this point, I can say that the risk I took was worth it. You have changed my point of view, eliminated my cynical thoughts. I had and still have you and you became my daily need. Allow me to take up a few more spaces to thank you for everything. For all that you’ve done. The love that you lavished on me, from the simple hugs, good morning and good night text messages to the expensive-oh-you-shouldn’t-have kind of gifts. I am lucky enough to have found a guy like you to love a girl like me. Good looking, smart, good taste in music, a huge movie buff, you made me feel like I was holding aces. We have taken to spending our days together in both torment and bliss. Moving almost listlessly, to a saccharine flow. Not in a rush, not taking it slow, not standing still, but in a constant movement that is possibly leading us nowhere near the edge of our limits. Happy Valentines Day! Here’s to squandering more moments together! I love you, Van. I am madly in love with you. I will remain in love with you till hell freezes over, till blood turns blue. In perpetuum. -Nikki.[/i]