Is He Really Malicious Or Just Plain Ignorant?

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Today, during a conversation with Dani, she came upon this gig where someone was offering to abuse verbally on skype for a set amount and promising to do a good job of it. It started our conversation on who would pay to get abused? Then we realised that there probably are people that may or will pay for it. Way later, I was thinking to myself (I have been searching and reading several articles on abuse for sometime) and grooming came to mind. I thought I should summarize what I have learned till date to put it here. If it helps someone.... Grooming according to Google is to prepare or train (someone) for a particular purpose How does it work? In the beginning, the behaviour of the aggressor is positive. Slowly and surely, the small abusive behaviour is seen that are surprising yet not alarming enough. The objective is to desensitize the receiver and with time, this abusive behaviour becomes their new normal. Grooming works by mixing positive interactions with little doses of abuse. Here is an example: The aggressor offers friendship and empathy. Then starts seeing you when you are alone. Works to gain your trust and respect by every means necessary to get closer to you and to have more access to you and your time. The first abuse is not physical. It is either verbal, mental or psychological. It is the testing phase where the aggressor is testing you to what extent he/she can push their boundaries with you. To learn what he/she can get away with. Slowly the verbal abuse makes way to physical abuse. Pinching, slapping, punches which gets worse as it continues. Each time you stay is a way the aggressor learns when and how to abuse you and invalidate your reaction to it. By making you question: "Is he/she malicious or just ignorant to what he/she has been doing?" You will spend your time trying to understand the behaviour of the aggressor rather than try to escape it. Eventually, the aggressor's true intentions will become clear but by then much of the ensnarement is already well underway. Because that is what grooming is intended for The shame, secrecy, guilt keeps the survivor with the aggressor. If not that, a threat of any kind will do the job just fine. All of this is also one of the main reasons behind survivors' reluctance to report the past and ongoing abuse. ----o0o---- If you recognise any part of this, please get away from that person or ask for help. Things will only get worse, not better. Lastly, If you accept something, that means you consider it acceptable. If you consider it unacceptable, stop accepting it. (Photo Edited By DJ)