I am...

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I am an empath. This means I'm also the devil's advocate and the voice of treason. It is impossible for me to see most situations in black and white. I exist within the greyscale of thought. How that impacts me is also in the grey. It is both maddening and satisfying. I enjoy helping others. I have this compulsion to get to the bottom of things not easily understood. I love to mediate and resolve conflicts. Nothing satisfies me more than helping two opposing parties come to an understanding. Even opposition can be harmonious! It isn't easy, though. So much investigation is required. I have to remove myself from the process and see things through the eyes of everyone involved before I can form an opinion. So much logic needs to be applied to so many things... Even things not based in logic! If I try to help you solve a problem I may have to ask questions you'd rather not answer. I may have to tell you things you don't want to hear! You may have thought that was the maddening part but it isn't. I enjoy every bit of it! Yes, I enjoy telling you things you don't want to hear as I feel that I am trying to enlighten you! The maddening bit is more personal. Trying to navigate myself and my family through a world like ours with thought processes like mine... That's maddening and exhausting! So many convoluted topics divide us. Each argument has a good number of valid points and each argument has a point at which it ignores logic, compassion or, more and more frequently, both. Finding common grounds now means picking one side and shutting out all others... Vehemently! Straw men abound! The common ground is found only with those who also picked your side. At least they agree with us! Ahh sweet validation. We get annoyed with differing points of view and we lose respect for the people who convey them. We feel insulted if someone insinuates that our opinion is lacking something critical needed to reach a proper conclusion. Understanding other perspectives and willingness to reach meaningful compromise feels like fleeting concepts. The way things are presented and the way things are set up to make the world go round makes compromise seem too overwhelming! Things that are going on are obviously wrong but changing things would take a lifetime. It is much easier to pick a side and fight for it, regardless of what's right or wrong under the surface. That's how the system is designed to function and hand-me-down opinions ensure that it stays that way. Trying to keep even my closest loved ones in the grey has been a challenge and I find that disturbing, as the empathetic devil's advocate with a voice of treason that I am.