DARKNESS
@mlgen1037 (29886)
Manila, Philippines
April 15, 2018 5:41am CST
Hello Everyone!
I have nothing to write in particular as I lie down in my bed. Nothing special, just observing. I think my mind is off somewhere but I am trying to make this as worthwhile as possible.
Maybe I just want attention. Maybe I just want to brag. Maybe I just want to be proud. Maybe I want validation. Or maybe I am just simply bored.
Recently, things had been been a blur and with all the overthinking, I am here in deep thought and my whole being is creeping into darkness. The unknown that makes it harder for me to breathe.
I am fine. I am okay. I have everything I need. I have what I long for. I have all and I know that should be enough. But no one will never understand the extent of my thoughts or the magnitude of how I feel.
I am insecure. I am envious. I am hurting. I am pretending. I am unhappy. I am shy. What else? Oh I am this brat who knew nothing but be such a bit** and can be bitter as death. I fear and I am afraid.
But you will never ever know how this darkness creeps over me. It is destructible. 
Thank you.
Image: Pixabay. Credit to the owner.
Thank you.
Image: Pixabay. Credit to the owner.44 people like this
47 responses
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
15 Apr 18
Thank you for the concern, Dianne. I appreciate it. Just one of those days when I feel spaced-out. 
6 people like this
@just4him (317385)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
16 Apr 18
@mlgen1037 MyLot is good for that. Thank you. I'm glad to be here too. I've made a lot of friends here.
6 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
15 Apr 18
Hi Valerie. I will. Mylot helped me in saying what I feel. And I am glad you are here. 
8 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
16 Apr 18
@just4him you are right, Valerie. I am grateful that I got here and talk to you all. Thank you, my dear friend. 
5 people like this
@chavezrmc (6095)
• Philippines
16 Apr 18
Don't dwell on the negatives my friend. True enough that darkness can bring us negative feelings or emotions but always remember that this is part of life. Sometimes we can have darkness just to learn how to appreciate and see how beautiful the Light is.. I know you are strong whatever it is that you're into i am sure that you can overcome all. Have faith, in God's perfect timing everything will be wonderful. Enjoy life Louise, God bless.
5 people like this
@chavezrmc (6095)
• Philippines
16 Apr 18
@mlgen1037 you're welcome my dear friend. I am happy to have met you here as well... Have a good night rest...hugs...
3 people like this
@innertalks (22130)
• Australia
9 May 18
@mlgen1037 I would think that darkness could never live alone on its own because light is always there trying to embrace it with itself.
The love has no darkness in it, but we place darkness in it, when we let our self do so.
Darkness only lives when love has gone missing.
Lightness makes you feel light. Darkness makes you feel heavy, and that should be a clue to lighten up and return to loving all again.
All is light, all is love. God is light, God is love. There is no darkness in God, only his creation has the choice to embrace it, or not.
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
16 Apr 18
Thank you, Emerald. Those kind words keep me from falling deeper in the darkness. I usually let myself be absorbed by it but with friends and family who assure me that they are there gets me get out of the bubble. I truly appreciate this and I am glad that I have known you and the others here as well.
5 people like this
@Marilynda1225 (83176)
• United States
16 Apr 18
Sorry to hear that the darkness has descended upon you and that it doesn't stay.
5 people like this
@TheHorse (220622)
• Walnut Creek, California
20 Apr 18
@mlgen1037 I hope the darkness itself becomes your friend.
3 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
16 Apr 18
Hi Marilyn. Thank you. I am able to at least breathe a little. A lot of things going on I got overwhelmed that I drowned myself in darkness. I deeply appreciate it.
4 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
20 Apr 18
@TheHorse We are actually friends. That is why I find solace when we are together. 
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
16 Apr 18
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Can I ask if it is a situation you are dealing with? Or is it internal feelings?
To be insecure, envious, hurt, unhappy, etc... this is all human. It is spectacular, though, that you recognize these things.
Things that help me is to write (private journal if it's things you don't want to detail on here), read uplifting, self help books, talk with a good friend if possible, do something that feeds your soul, (mine are photography, being in nature, dancing....)
Hope for brighter days for you
5 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
16 Apr 18
Hi Faye. It is more of the internal feelings. It would just suddenly take over you and I feel completely spaced out. It happens when I am overthinking about things that all of a sudden my mind would just automatically shut down.
This is the first time that I shared it here since I am kind of a newbie still that I said maybe I can write my thoughts and just share what I feel to at least alleviate the pain. It is scary but I am glad that my husband helps me deal with it when it happens. He snaps me back to reality.
Thank you, my good friend. I truly appreciate it. I am a little better today. And you have a lot of hobbies and I read about your dancing in one of your discussions.
5 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
17 Apr 18
@mlgen1037 Oh, I'm so sorry you deal with that. It isn't fun. Thank you for sharing with us... I'm happy you have found at least an outlet for these hard to talk about feelings , and hopefully you've found some help here too. Husband sounds great - I'm happy he can help you out, too.
I'm happy today is a bit better :-) Sometimes I find exercise, even if you don't feel like it, to be very helpful
3 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
18 Apr 18
@FayeHazel Thank you, Faye. You are really an amazing person. All of you are. I am happy for all the concerns and support you have given me that even in my darkest moments, you cared. I am grateful. My husband is used to it but still patient enough.
Yes, I try to do yoga too because it actually helps. Have you tried yoga too?
3 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
16 Apr 18
Thank you, my dear friend. Sometimes I let myself in that darkness for it feels like a haven for me. But I am slowly coping out. I wish the same for you, Courage7. Your username makes me all the more better. I appreciate it.
5 people like this
@jobelbojel (36196)
• Philippines
16 Apr 18
I pray that darkness will vanish and light comes in! Be grateful lang always! Let's battle together this darkness. Instead of overthinking, smile
4 people like this
@jobelbojel (36196)
• Philippines
16 Apr 18
@mlgen1037 Alright! I hope that you see the light - hope!
3 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
16 Apr 18
Thank you, my good friend. I will do that. I appreciate it.
4 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
17 Apr 18
@jobelbojel hehehe thank you. I will find the light.
4 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
16 Apr 18
Thank you, Judy. I appreciate it.
4 people like this
@lookatdesktop (27134)
• Dallas, Texas
16 Apr 18
Find something you like to do and go for it. If you experience such darkness often you do need a change of pace for sure. I have been down that rabbit hole many times. It is darker than night there. I feel your pain.
4 people like this
@lookatdesktop (27134)
• Dallas, Texas
16 Apr 18
If you have time, there is a short YouTube you might like to look at.
Support this channel - http://patreon.com/timvanorden . Need help getting into action? Free Consultation at http://mindinmotion.me Tim's Audiobooks: - "A Com...
4 people like this
@lookatdesktop (27134)
• Dallas, Texas
16 Apr 18
@lookatdesktop likes this video from Anthony Robbins from YouTube.
Skip navigation Sign inSearch Loading... Close Yeah, keep it Undo Close Watch QueueQueueWatch QueueQueue The next video is startingstop Loading... Watch Queue Queue __count__/__total__ Loading... It’s YouTube. Uninterrupted. Loading... Want music and vide
3 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
17 Apr 18
Thank you, Anthony. I deeply appreciate you sending me these videos. I have watched the first one and will watch the second one later. And it is reassuring to know that I am not alone on this. Again, thank you. 
3 people like this
@ridingbet (66854)
• Philippines
15 Apr 18
you are anxious, i believe. anxiety is fear of the unknown.
you have so many things in your mind and you cannot prioritize them according to its severity.
or maybe your period is coming soon? hahaha. estrogen and progesterone levels may be active now.
4 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
15 Apr 18
Hi Ingrid. I just had my period. So I guess you are right, it may be anxiety. Always thinking of a lot of things that it gets to a point I get messed up. *hand on my face*
3 people like this
@ridingbet (66854)
• Philippines
16 Apr 18
@mlgen1037 don't worry, hija, and don't be so depressed. all these things shall pass. you have a husband to cheer you up.
4 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
16 Apr 18
@ridingbet Thank you, Ingrid. I will overcome and shine thru again.
4 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
16 Apr 18
Hi Siva! How are you?
I am feeling better now and still able to grasp back to reality. I am glad for the encouragement you provided me. I deeply touched and I appreciate it.
4 people like this
@roselavon25 (114)
• Philippines
15 Apr 18
I think that is hormonal. I sometimes feel that way though..
4 people like this
@roselavon25 (114)
• Philippines
15 Apr 18
@mlgen1037 I also think that it's part of being a human being, to feel all of those feelings..
4 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
15 Apr 18
@roselavon25 Indeed. You know one of those days when your mind wanders and you want to stay there.
4 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
15 Apr 18
Probably, Rosalie. That can a logical answer too.
4 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
15 Apr 18
Hi August. Never heard of that book but I will add it on my list. Yes, I am somehow conflicted and scared. Thank you, my friend.
5 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
15 Apr 18
Hi Enyi. Thank you for that. Hopefully, all will be okay.
5 people like this
@Tampa_girl7 (50702)
• United States
15 Apr 18
I hope that your spirits will lift soon .
4 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
15 Apr 18
Hi Marie. I am trying to be okay and saying what I feel helps. I appreciate that you guys are here. Thank you, my dear friend.
3 people like this
@Freelanzer (10743)
• Canada
16 Apr 18
Nighttime can bring darkness inside and out. Sure it will all be better in the morning.
4 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
16 Apr 18
Hi @Freelanzer. Thank you, my good friend. I know it will.
4 people like this
@TheHorse (220622)
• Walnut Creek, California
21 Apr 18
@mlgen1037 I hope people start coming through as well.
2 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
20 Apr 18
Thank you, my good friend. Darkness has become more of a companion when people are not there for you. It gives me the comfort that I need and when I am okay, it leaves to let me be. I like that meditate. It eases the mind.
2 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
21 Apr 18
@TheHorse They do. I just have to leave the darkness behind.
2 people like this
@Metsrock69 (3582)
• United States
16 Apr 18
Sometimes I lay in bed at night and just think of the day I had or the next day. It is a good concentration method because it is quiet.
4 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
16 Apr 18
Hi @@Metsrock69. That is actually great because it gives you a time to check on yourself and your day. You are able to focus without any interruptions. Thank you, my good friend. I appreciate it.
3 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
16 Apr 18
Hi Dya. Yes! I feel like that darkness transcends and sometimes you feel like it is choking you. But we have to fight it, though I know it is easier said than done. Many will not understand.
4 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
15 Apr 18
And I am that light. Just kidding, Jim. That is true, my dear friend.
4 people like this
