Still Single

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Recently, a friend of mine has sent me an invitation to her upcoming wedding. (So, before anything else, I want to say congratulations to that friend first. I wish you all the happiness and wisdom that life can give you.) So, back to what lead me to create this post for all the world to see. It so happens that my friend’s mom has also communicated with my mom. She was asking how I am and my siblings are—if I’m not mistaken because I just glanced at my mom’s phone for a few seconds—and if we already have partners. As in, in the romantic sense. Of course, my mom said no. And that’s the truth. And then for some reason, that person sent a message that sounded like this, “Maybe it’s because you’re very strict with them.” I am also aware that some would tell my mom, “You might not know it but they may be dating behind your back.” I find these things funny. But at the same time, I also understand the perception of people towards our situation. Put into consideration the common case in the society we live in. At least here in the Philippines, this is the case: The parents prevent their children to go dating. And of course, as a result, the children would, most often than not, rebel and date behind their parents’ back. And the consequences of these actions aren’t always the best—especially for the girls—because these secret and not-so-secret liaisons end up with children out of wedlock. These things—the idea and the perception of these people that my mom encounter—are funny for me. And the reason is that the case I’ve mentioned above is not similar in any way in my and my siblings’ case. They’re way off the mark. Like by a mile. When we were in teens, my mom is the one who encourages us to “Go out there” and “Explore your life. Explore your youth.” You could say that we rebelled at the idea and decided to enclose ourselves at home. It was our grandparents who warned us off from being in a romantic relationship. And we didn’t really care about the warning because we’re the ones who are going out of our way to dodge being in that situation. What use is the warning when we’re already doing it, right? “If there’s a will, there’s a way.” If that’s true for the former case (where girls mostly end up being pregnant and becoming very young mothers and the guys end up becoming very young fathers), it’s also true for the latter. So why are we still single? This is my opinion. I can only speak for myself. You’ll have to ask my siblings for their reasons. “The current me don’t see myself being in a relationship.” And this has been my answer for as long as I can remember. When I was still very young and I try to envision my future, I don’t see a partner in my life. And I do that every now and then. As far as I can remember I’ve always wanted to be a monk (a female monk) or be a nun. Although I lean more on the former. Or else, it'll be a writer living the single life. I’d rather be alone in the wilderness than suffer the mistake of taking an incorrect partner for me into my life. And I say this because the consequence of such a mistake would not only affect me. It would affect my partner as well as the people around us. But then, I don’t see people believing me whenever I give that answer and I explain that to them. And of course, there would be people who would say that I fear to be in a relationship. Well, maybe that is true. Maybe it isn’t. I won’t even deny that I don’t have self-confidence before other people and that I am always anxious around people. BUT when you live in our type of society, with eyes wide open—in other words, you are not ignorant and you are cautious (in a healthy sense) and you are aware that society’s standards may not always be the right thing for you and it does not define who you are and that you are grounded by your values and you acknowledge that life could give you a different path than anyone else’s—you would be able to decide for yourself what is best for you. In my case, I find that having a partner at this point in my life isn’t going to do me any good. And while I acknowledge that there is no Mr. Perfect (Because, hello, I’m not perfect. Why would I even attempt to look for a person like that and drag that person down with me?) I am aware that there would be that person or persons (if you don’t believe in monogamy) who could complement my psyche and I him/her/them. (Yeah… gender doesn’t really matter to me. But I don’t know, I haven’t really considered it yet—unless of course, I’m looking to build a functioning family, where my partner would have to be male. But as far as I’m concerned, at the moment, I am noticing that I am still immature when it comes to relationships (in a romantic sense) and the idea of it and being in it. There’s also a part of me that says, “My bloodline could die with me and humanity would still continue anyway” that I listen to because that part is very honest—although it does sound cynical at times. (Be happy you’re not living in my head.) And I’m sure there would be people who would have various reactions to that line of thought (the “My bloodline could die with me and humanity would still continue anyway”) but hey, I’m just telling you what I notice. So the idea that I’m trying to tell you is that my immaturity and unpreparedness at this moment to be in an intimate relationship in my life would cause more harm than good for my being, my partner(s) and the people surrounding me. I have faith that my “self” (that better and limitless part of anyone of us, that small voice or energy that leads us throughout our life), “fate” or my “God” (your definition of God may not be the same as my definition) would let me know if or when I am ready. I would ‘know’. Because if I don’t listen, I would suffer for it. (And I always do if I don’t listen.) And if I’ll never be ready—if that’s what life dictates of me—then fine. There's nothing wrong with being single. Just as there's nothing wrong with choosing one's actions and how one would live one's life. And I ranted all about this last year in this post: https://goo.gl/dAQX7y And you can read that if you want to waste time. Anyways, I hope that this opened up something for you and help you consider what's happening in your life. That’s it for me for now.