Do you want attention when you're sick?
By peavey
@peavey (16936)
United States
July 3, 2018 11:44pm CST
.My sister had knee surgery a couple of weeks ago and her kidneys failed. They brought her to the hospital near me and she has had all sorts of problems from pneumonia to heart palpitations to having to have surgery for what they thought was a hole in her intestines and/or a blockage.Anyway, after surgery she started getting better.
Her daughter got a room near the hospital and she has been with her mom almost 24/7 since this all started. She went home one day last week when another aunt stayed with my sister, then again today because my brother came to stay with her.
Ok... am I cold hearted or weird because I don't see the need for someone to be with her all the time? I mean, she's in a hospital. There are nurses. There are doctors, there are buzzers on her bed and alarms on the machines she is on.
I think they expected me to stay with her to give her daughter a break, but it took awhile to figure that out just because I didn't think of it as being necessary. Anyway, I won't. I have my own health issues that would make it hard.
Now I'm going to gripe just a little. I had two major surgeries last year and never heard a peep from any of them. Granted, they probably didn't even know until it was all over!
When you're sick, do you want a lot of attention or do you prefer to be alone? Do you think I am hard hearted for not wanting to be with my sister all the time she is sick?
21 people like this
24 responses
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
4 Jul 18
Hi Peavey. I want someone to be with me but in a way have my personal space. I am not that attention seeker.
3 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
4 Jul 18
@peavey So true. I actually keep things to myself except to my family since I do not want to be surrounded by people that much when I am sick. I appreciate people visiting me but sometimes it can be draining. I also hate being pitied.
2 people like this
@peavey (16936)
• United States
4 Jul 18
@mlgen1037 That's exactly it. It must not be so for everyone, but having people around all the time wears me out. I hate being pitied, too.
2 people like this
@crossbones27 (49460)
• Mojave, California
4 Jul 18
I think it depends on the person. Some people like the extra support, some people prefer people to stay away when they are sick.
2 people like this
@simplfred (20641)
• Philippines
4 Jul 18
With that kind of level of sickness, I think she deserves the attention.
2 people like this
@peavey (16936)
• United States
5 Jul 18
@simplfred It can. But when you can't even take a nap or go to the bathroom without someone else being in the way or asking about it, that's too much as far as I am concerned.
1 person likes this
@simplfred (20641)
• Philippines
4 Jul 18
@peavey So true, but knowing someone is there to cheer you up. Do some miracles sometimes.
1 person likes this
@ihasaquestion (8275)
•
4 Jul 18
Hi there. I like to keep to myself when I'm sick. That's because I need all the fresh air I could get as well as to allow the medication to work before I could get better once again. I dislike attention totally, but that's just me. In my opinion, it's alright for your sister to want a little attention; but if it disrupts some of your busy schedule, you might want to explain to her nicely. I'm sure she will understand. Have a good day.
@neelia_lyn (2003)
• Philippines
4 Jul 18
Of course, I would want someone to take care of me when I am too sick to do anything. But not necessarily 24/7 because I know they have other things to do.
2 people like this
@cintol (11261)
• United States
10 Jul 18
They shouldn't expect you to stay with her, she needs her rest as much as she can get in the hospital. Having someone there all the time would make me feel like I would have to stay awake to visit. Don't worry about it, if you yourself are having health issues its probably not the place you want to be hanging out anyway.
1 person likes this
@josie_ (10034)
• Philippines
4 Jul 18
I don't want people to make a fuss about me but I'm not going to refuse any thoughtful attention when given. Besides hospital staff go about their task in a professional and impersonal manner. Surely some warm comfort and "tender loving care" aid in the healing process.
2 people like this
@anamika161088 (11866)
• India
4 Jul 18
I prefer to be with those who actually cares for me and not with the ones who has the fake mask on their face.
2 people like this
@Courage7 (19633)
• United States
4 Jul 18
Poor Peavey that they would expect you to stay when it is unnecessary. I totally understand you my friend, I am in the same boat..whatever happens to me, happens to me only, no help at all from anyone else.
No I dont want attention, I am too much of an old soldier and trooper.
1 person likes this
@peavey (16936)
• United States
4 Jul 18
You do know what I mean, thanks. I live the closest to the hospital but I am not able to do everything, especially if it's something I don't see as necessary. 
When I am sick, I want to be left alone to deal with it. I don't like being babied.
When I am sick, I want to be left alone to deal with it. I don't like being babied.1 person likes this
@chicnthin (3031)
• Philippines
4 Jul 18
I prefer to be alone and will only ask my mom if I need something.
1 person likes this
@peavey (16936)
• United States
7 Jul 18
@chicnthin I am the same way most of the time but mainly I don't like to be babied or "taken care of."
1 person likes this
@chicnthin (3031)
• Philippines
6 Jul 18
@peavey i never like attention, i feel shy or awkward whenever someone focused to me
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160697)
• United States
5 Jul 18
When my first husband was ill and in a nursing home I stayed round the clock, but that was because he could not use his hands, or communicate. On the other hand, no, I do not want round the clock company when I am ill. I would like an occasional short visit is all.
1 person likes this
@betlynfrnds (4069)
• United States
5 Jul 18
I prefer to be by myself. Well wishes from afar are all I've ever needed whenever I was not myself for one reason or another.
When I'm tired or not well, downtime and alone time is the best remedy.
As far as your situation is concerned, all I can say is that everyone fills a role - either the individual is actively involved with the patient, inactively involved ( like helping with chores around the house while they are in the hospital ) or the person has no involvement at all.
I really don't think it's worth splitting hairs over as to who does what. If everything that needs attention is covered, then all is good.
I remember this type of thing over the years with family members. Everyone did the best they possibly could and when it came time to delegate tasks to others, well that's just what we did.
It all worked out fine.
1 person likes this
@peavey (16936)
• United States
5 Jul 18
There really aren't that many tasks to be done, just sitting with her. And I am not adverse to helping when needed. It's just that I think they thought I would spend hours or days with her to give her daughter a break and I don't see why her daughter thinks she or someone has to be there all the time anyway. Oh, well.
@peavey (16936)
• United States
5 Jul 18
@betlynfrnds I'm sure it will, I just get frustrated. Thanks! 
1 person likes this
@betlynfrnds (4069)
• United States
5 Jul 18
@peavey I hope it all works out for you soon.
1 person likes this
@lookatdesktop (27134)
• Dallas, Texas
13 Jul 18
No. I don't think you are hard hearted for not wanting to be with your sister 24/7. And since you have your own health issues, It is perfectly understandable that you might want to spend time alone and not broadcast your illness to everyone to garner sympathy. I get it. Do what you feel like doing and don't worry so much what others think. You seem to be a caring sister. Staying in touch with her is something you do out of love, nothing else I am sure.
1 person likes this
@peavey (16936)
• United States
13 Jul 18
Thank you. I know I shouldn't worry about what others think, but knowing and doing are two different things.
She is doing much better and has been transferred back to her original hospital a couple of hours away. I do try to stay in touch with her and she has been texting lately, which helps!
