Signs of loneliness
@GardenGerty (160721)
United States
July 16, 2018 3:17pm CST
Being alone is one thing, being lonely is another. You can be lonely, but be in the middle of lots of action. I know people like this. I have been there. Go. . . go. . . go, until you absolutely drop from exhaustion, but you do not really accomplish anything at all.
I like being alone, if it is by choice. I can be alone, but choose to visit you guys here on myLot, or others on other sites.
I think I do a fair job of listening to my friends here, and I try not to make all conversations turn to be about me. At least that is my hope.
There is a person that comes to my mind. Whenever she comments to anyone, the comment turns around to be about her. She has no sympathy or empathy. Everything she talks about is about her, her problems, her plans, her lunch. What she will be buying and so forth.
She was widowed a few years ago. I think she is avoiding the whole fact that her husband is gone.
I am not sure I have expressed this clearly, not what I wanted to say anyway.
She is not here on myLot, so do not try to figure out who I mean. Honestly, I have never seen anyone this extreme here. And I do believe she is lonely.
Do you give and take when you have a conversation? What do you do when you are lonely?
17 people like this
17 responses
@1hopefulman (45120)
• Canada
16 Jul 18
I try to stop the loneliness by getting busy doing something that I like.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
17 Jul 18
I think that is a good way to deal with loneliness.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
18 Jul 18
@1hopefulman I just learned something new about you. I find that having to make that adjustment either from living with someone to not, or being alone and then having to share can be very challenging.
2 people like this
@1hopefulman (45120)
• Canada
17 Jul 18
@GardenGerty Im almost 69 and I have been living alone for some 18 years and it has worked for me. After having always lived with other people for some 50 years, I needed to survive alone and found a way.
2 people like this
@just4him (317090)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
17 Jul 18
I know people like that, and it's sad they need to turn every conversation their way. I do my best to give and take with the conversation, or I simply listen, without giving anything to it. I probably do that more, as I don't expect anyone to be interested in what I say. I find in those times, I'm also lonely, looking for someone to spend some time with, and usually not finding it, which is why I'm quiet.
Okay, did I turn that around to me? Sorry. Didn't mean to. What I do when I'm lonely - turn on the music, watch a movie, work on a book.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
18 Jul 18
Oh you have described the entire situation so well. Quiet, self effacing, sometimes lonely, Music is great, myLot is great, having a task to do, like your books is great. Are your friends with any of the people from the pool?
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
18 Jul 18
@just4him Is tomorrow an anniversary of a bad day?
1 person likes this
@just4him (317090)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
18 Jul 18
@GardenGerty I want to say I am, but they are more acquaintances. I don't hang out with any of them outside the pool, but I have gotten to know them over the past two years I've been there. I have one really good friend. We do things together. I asked her what she's got going for tomorrow, as I really don't want to spend the day alone, but will if it becomes necessary.
1 person likes this
@much2say (55686)
• Los Angeles, California
16 Jul 18
What I like about myLot is the conversations are mostly equal opportunity - give and take. In real life I find that people tend to be more me me me and sometimes don't know when to stop. I've heard that people who are lonely but are constantly on the go are just being busy to avoid having to face loneliness - their way to cope with it. I like to be alone too - I am a loner at heart - but I am fortunate that I have family and friends that I don't ever have to feel lonely.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
17 Jul 18
I like to be alone and cozy, on my own, uninterrupted. Yes, here we do not have to wait for people to take a breath to get in our two cents worth. We have a chance to jump into conversations here any time we choose.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
18 Jul 18
@much2say You have kids. I have a husband and a cat. My odds are better at not being interrupted.
1 person likes this
@much2say (55686)
• Los Angeles, California
18 Jul 18
@GardenGerty I'd love uninterrupted - but it's always interrupted 
.
.1 person likes this
@allknowing (136777)
• India
17 Jul 18
A conversation is not a monologue. I too have someone in my life who only talks about herself - my older sister. She will not react to the news about me but instead only blow her own trumpet.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
18 Jul 18
This one person I first talked about is someone I only see on Facebook. We were on another site together that folded. My sister, though, is also like that. She talks about herself a lot and her neighbors a lot, and her grown kids who cannot even manage to come see her. If I tell her something about me or hubby she just lets it fly over her head. Even when it could be life threatening.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (136777)
• India
18 Jul 18
@GardenGerty Why bother? We have countless listeners here
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
18 Jul 18
@allknowing I have to spend time with her and take her places. No one else will.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (80030)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
17 Jul 18
Actually, I got used to being all on my own back in Riga, Latvia after my husband passed on last year and I learned to be my own best friend and to keep myself busy. Now here in Daytona Beach Florida in a small apartment it is easy. I work on the PC, I watch things on the Internet for entertainment. I have my cat for company and if I feel a bit alone I go out walking.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
17 Jul 18
I think this highlights the differences in people. Some people, due to their upbringing or something are nurtured from within and are able to be their own best friends.They are well furnished in their minds. Others have to get all their satisfaction from the external. From getting attention of people all around them.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
18 Jul 18
@RasmaSandra That is pretty common with only children.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (80030)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
18 Jul 18
@GardenGerty in my case it also comes from childhood. I was an only child and I developed my imagination and made up games for myself and literally always entertained myself in many ways.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
18 Jul 18
Yes, it does. It is all I can figure about this connection that I have never met in person, but my feed is filled with her. I imagine I do the same. They told my older sister that her excessive talking all the time was depression. She took anti depressants for a while, and it did help, but she did not want to continue taking them.
1 person likes this
@Courage7 (19633)
• United States
18 Jul 18
@GardenGerty I understand feeds being filled with one person I have one of those too.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
18 Jul 18
Maybe she really is lonely because her husband is gone. She's trying to just cover it up by always bringing herself as a topic for her conversations.
Conversations should be two way. You listen to the other party's stories and she also hears yours.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
18 Jul 18
She does miss her husband, and she is also angry at him for all the things he left unfinished. emotions get so mixed up.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
17 Jul 18
People say I am a good listener and I definitely try to be. I care more about others than myself. If someone is hurting, I hurt with them. If they are happy, I share in their joy. I am grateful keeping my eyes on God helps me in these areas.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
18 Jul 18
You are very empathetic. You put yourself in the shoes of others and identify with what they are feeling. You are aware of others and the things they need, both physically and spiritually and you do not judge.
1 person likes this
@cttolledo (5454)
• Legaspi, Philippines
18 Jul 18
When I'm lonely I want to be with someone who's willing to accompany me, talk to me and listen to me. It's hard when your friend is not a good listener.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
18 Jul 18
I like to get a hug from hubby if I feel lonely. He is a good listener, even when others are not.
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
18 Jul 18
It seems that all of her interests are about herself. She is friendly enough but does not seem to have a real close relationship with others.
1 person likes this
@PatZAnthony (14749)
• Charlotte, North Carolina
18 Jul 18
Some of us really do enjoy being alone, while we realize others are lonely. Some are just selfish and think only about what is happening with them.
Thank you for the details about our friend Ms. Hatley!
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
18 Jul 18
I have always loved sharing here on myLot when I could.
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
18 Jul 18
I think I enjoy it because I do know where to find people if I want to. I like being on my own at home, though.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (471573)
• Switzerland
18 Jul 18
@GardenGerty I feel the need to be on my own at home time by time.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (116936)
• Anniston, Alabama
18 Jul 18
She has no one to talk to, I am sorta in that position because Tony is sick, kin folk and all about him. What I say or want really is not heard.
I try not to just think about me.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
18 Jul 18
Yes, but I see you in your life interacting and you do not brag about yourself and all the money you spend. You SHARE with us and bring us some sunshine and some good thoughts. That is why I always try to read your posts. This person talks to people at union meetings and diners and stores and she talks her son's ear off, I am sure. However nothing she says really is entertaining or thoughtful of others.
@responsiveme (22926)
• India
18 Jul 18
I understand you.
I wonder if the person that you speak of was always like this or it is something she is now.
I do try to be a good listener, sometimes the best thing I can do is if I listen and not judge and give advice only when asked.
I read when I feel lonely ...Smile a little, cry a little,sigh a little and then get busy
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
16 Jul 18
I think you have a very full and rich life. Maybe sometimes you would be lonely, but Fredo I see you doing good things for others with your baking and spending your earnings here for animal charities. I think thinking of others is a good way to feel fulfilled.
@Marilynda1225 (82839)
• United States
16 Jul 18
I hope I'm a good listener and that a conversation can be give and take.
I'm alone a lot but rarely feel lonely. My friends here have certainly expanded my horizons
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
17 Jul 18
Yes, here we do have friends that give us things to think about and talk about when we are here.
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (23405)
• United Kingdom
16 Jul 18
I guess I am fortunate as I do not feel lonely. Mylot is probably a good place to be to find friends around the world. I am far too busy but I know that there is a massive problem of loneliness in the elderly. It is very sad.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160721)
• United States
16 Jul 18
If my husband was no longer living I might feel lonely. I see you have all kinds of interesting posts and things that you do.
