depressiion is no joke

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Hello everyone . i hope everyone is feeling good It s really hard for me to talk about this subject . am not the kind of people who open up about his feelings . but i felt like i need to write down all my feelings . may be it well help i have been dealing with depression since 3 years ago . ups and downs i took soo many pills . i tried eveything possible to cure it . but it always come back . thats ugly feeling of hating everything and just wanting to be alone and keep thinking about every bad senario and overthinking everything and losing your mind . i have been trough the worst days of my life . especially the last year and lately i stoped my medications . because am really tired . seriously it is no joke . it been a week now i stoped my pill . am feeling like the whole world is against me . everything around makes me wanna cry . i hate leaving my house i hate waking u in the morning and getting ready at work . i tried soo hard to get some motivation to meet friends or go out but my anxety and depression are just stronger than me . i have been jumping from relashionships just to forget the way i feel. i let people treat me bad just because i was scared to be alone . next week is my birthday . and the idea of turning 24 with this whole dark soul inside me freaks me out . i feel like am gonna be sick for the rest of my life . i feel like am gonna be lonely forever . . i wanna do so many things in my life . am stuck in this same job because am just afraid to leave my confront zone . there is soo many other feelings that i can not describe . i feel like my life is just not worth changing beacuse am gonna always feel the same way i wanna be a normal person . because its really scary what a smile can hide i want people to know that mental health is no joke . depression is real. please if you know someone with depression be there for them . i dont have much people in my life who understand the way i feel good night