My online dating journey

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I have registered and been to online dating for a while before I met my fiance.  I met him at the time that I least expected. I've been on and off with online dating free membership for almost four years. I met countless of guys ranging from 10 years younger to 20 years older.  I even came to a point where I tried to lower my standard just to match myself with guys available. However I only joined christian dating site since I was avoiding pervy and naughty guys.  I just know what they are upto. hahaha.. And since I was seriously looking for a lifetime partner I kept coming back to online dating. Even though I dated guys that I met offline too I just can't find the guy that I was actually looking for. Most of them are not a committed type of guy. There are only two christian dating sites that I joined seriously. These are christiandatingsiteforfree and christianfilipina.com. In christiandatingforfree its totally free membership. However in christian.filipina if you are a free member you wont be able to chat or talk with other free members. Out of all the guys I have met through online dating in the span of four years. Only two of them have the courage to come and visit me in my country.That first guy's name was Johnny (not his real name) He is 55 while I was 35 at that time when we met. I met him around July 2017 through christianfilipina site. We kinda clicked very good because we are both christian and we love to pray for each other a lot. He decided to come to the Phils around august and he stayed here only for one week. .. Then a month later we planned to get married. Our wedding date was supposed to be october. It was that fast. I was doing all the planning here in the Phils while he was in US. I contacted all suppliers from catering, photography gowns rentals and even made a reservation for the venue. It was suppose to be a simple christian wedding however. At that time I was very sure that I am getting married to him. While preparing for the event, I dreamed of talking to somebody in a video other than him. In my dream I am very happy and enjoying my conversation with that new guy. Although I didn't see the face of that guy in my dream I was very sure he was a different guy and not Johnny. And in that dream I was telling myself that I'm glad I have already moved on with Johnny and was now happy with my new relationship. When I woke up I cried and I was sad because of that dream.. I told Johnny about it and he comforted me and told me to just forget about that because that is only a dream. He also assured me that we are getting married soon and there is nothing that could go against us. I still remember his usual statement... "Look sweety I am solid like a rock, I will not change my mind". So I dismissed that thought and continue with planning and preparation. Johnny is a good guy however he was divorce and had and 18 year old daughter. He wasnt perfect but for me he is good enough cause I know that we can work things out together. So while waiting for the wedding event Johnny already decided to consult a lawyer regarding his plan to sponsor me to come to US in the future. He was really serious in his plans for us. Everything seemed so perfect until the day that he told me about his secret. It was very shocking, I cannot believe it was really happening. I even search for best lawyers online and told Johnny to consult them too. However the lawyer was very honest and very transparent in his advice. He said that because of Johnny's past he only got 10-20 percent chance of sponsoring a spouse or fiancee. I cannot accept that at that time..I want Johnny to fight for it eventhough its only 10-20 percent chance. But he is already decided to just accept that we are not destined for each other. He said that its not fair for both of us to wait for a long time and spend a lot of money for something that is almost impossible. So we cancelled the wedding but I didnt tell everybody about whats happening our relationship. Only my immediate family knew about it. We were still talking as a friend but I was crying a lot. I got very sad and down. I cried to God, asked Him why it is happening to me, I told Him that I was hurt and hopeless. But God comforted me everytime I cried to Him. Then around two weeks later I came to acceptance and found myself ready to search again for a new guy. I reactivate my online dating profile..Johnny and me decided to just be friends and he promised me if in case he met a guy that might be a good match for me he will let me know. I also promise him that I would try to look for filipina who is a good match for him but will only consider those who are already in the US so he doesnt need to sponsor her. After that final goodbye we cease our communication until we get used to not hearing from each other. I met other guys again through online but they are not comparable to Johnny. Everytime I get off from work my usual routine was to check if I have a new message from a potential date. But it seems like online dating wasnt really for me. I was almost giving up on my online dating dream however I kinda feel that God was leading me there so I still stayed. In my next discussion I will tell you more about how I met the guy in my dream.