Having a mental illness is a gift and curse

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I have major depression, bipolar , ocd anxiety ptsd and adhd and my entire life even as a child I never fit in but I never knew why I just knew I wasn’t like everyone else, as I got older and tried hurting myself , cutting , punching walls ,Having thoughts constantly, racing all the time, not knowing why I was afraid of things I shouldn’t of been at a young age like death and god, getting sad out of the blue, my life contributed to it environmentally but genetically it runs in my family, seems I was doomed before I was conceived, I say it’s a gift and curse because having what I have I’m more empathetic, understanding, unique, I think very different then the majority, my mind goes beyond the normal, and I’m very smart in many areas, but the constant battle of fighting the major depression and mind racing , having fear all the time , being depressed more then not and trying to fight to balance it all is the curse, sometimes I pray I was normal because it’s stoppwd me from doing a lot in my life, and the fact that I have to take medication , sucks at times , it’s not something I wish on anyone believe me, the battle to fight is very hard at times and sometimes I wish I was not me, because then I may of been what I wanted to be , but then there our day that I’m happy iam who iam, because I can think a mile a minute , because I think way beyond the normal way of thinking , because I can understand so many things and people in life but the down side is it’s get lonely not having others understand me, ???? it’s a hard world and on top of it my daughters have a little part each , one has major depression, anxiety and other things and my youngest has severe anxiety and ocd my oldest has depression, but again I feel it was a lot of both genetics and environment I was in abusive relationships , plus dealing with my own illnesses and being a struggling single mom they did not always have everything and still don’t I may never understand why I was cursed with this but I’m hoping my daughters will have normal lives and go far in life! They are my everything the reason I’m here today !