Math Is Mean!

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MyLot Exclusive #141 As most of you know, one goal that I've always had is to live in three different centuries. As the rest of you know, I prepare an annual status report on each of my goals every year without fail, right on time and this year, for the first time ever, I did one for the Three Centuries Goal. I was quite happy with it. You see, I was born in 1964 and this is 2019. That's two different centuries right there. I am 2/3 of the way there. This is no sweat. Almost finished. Quite possibly the easiest thing I've ever done! So I typed up the report, in triplicate, one copy for the vault and one for my personal file with the third going to the Math Department for review---Just a routine confirmation of what everyone already knows. That I'm right. Again. As always. That's when everything went to Heck in a handbasket. My Chief Executive Vice President In Charge Of Mathematics, Abscissa Annulus, came in here a few minutes later, threw the report on my desk and told me my conclusion was flawed. Well, I straightened her out quick but she said, "I told you! Not when we're working!" So we went back to discussing the report. According to her, I'm already 55 years old, the next century doesn't start for another 81 years and the oldest documented person only lived to be 122 years old. Then she had the temerity to tell me the numbers don't add up. So I explained again, "I'm two-thirds of the way there! How could I possibly not make it?" That's when she started babbling a lot of techno-babble mumbo jumbo nonsense that can't possibly be right. Add this, subtract that, blah blah blah. But you know what the worst part is? I ran her results past some of my friends at MIT, Stanford, Princeton and a couple other egg-head-ivory-tower-elitist type places and they all agreed with her. So you know what's going on here. This is another Deep State Plot aimed directly at me! UNFAIR! But, don't worry! My new Attorney General...Grace Van Owen, my present Attorney General, is being fired because she agreed with Abscissa and that means she's also a part of the Deep State Plot...As soon as I find one (AND I WILL FIND ONE BECAUSE EVERYONE WANTS TO WORK FOR ME!!!!), is going to straighten all this out! Until then, fine, I'll play by the rules. All the "experts" say I'm wrong. As soon as they're all fired and this Witchhunt is over, though, I will wreak my revenge! Just wait till they see my MATH IS MEAN Tweets! That's all I have for tonight. See ya in 2100!