2nd Anniversary coming up I don’t know how to feel

Tweet

So in three days time it will be the 2nd anniversary of my Mums death. I’ve come to learn that since losing my Mum, that yes it does change you and you will always grieve for that person however you also learn to deal with it in your own way. My Mum was the backbone to our family, everything she did was centred around us. There’s not one day that goes by that I don’t think of her. I cherish the last pictures I took of her which are on my phone. I still have her number in my phone because I can’t bring myself to delete it. My Dad still has all her things at home, nothing has moved her coat is still hanging up and her slippers are still by the door. Last year on the first anniversary I was very tearful, didn’t want anyone around me. Went and sat at the church where her ashes are buried, and what didn’t help was that Mother’s Day fell on the same day. This year I will be at work. Everyone there knows and I know they will all be supportive to me. The problem I have is, I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I’m worried in one sense that I’ll go to work and fall apart because it will be on mind and all those memories will come back, yet then I think if I’m working then maybe I won’t be as focused on it and I’ll get through, but then is that the right way to be. Should I just ignore the day and throw myself into my work and then risk feeling guilty because I’m trying to push it away. I know my Mum would never want me to be sad. I’d like to believe that she’s with me all the time and knows what I’m doing and how I feel, but how do we know? I miss her so much and I love her beyond words. She would know what to say and what I should do. Sorry for the depressing discussion, I just felt like I needed someone to talk to.