That Time I Locked Myself in My Car

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About 20 years ago I lived in Green Bay, and like anyone living in Green Bay 20 years ago I was drunk (possibly a little high too) Not a proud moment, but that's all there was to do in Green Bay back then. I had spent most of the evening at my brother's place playing Madden Football with him. Then about 1 am I decided to go home. Don't worry though. I only lived across the street in an apartment complex. So I drove from my brother's driveway to mine. Once I arrived, I put the car in park, turned off the ignition, took out the keys, and then spent about what seemed like an hour trying to figure out how to get out of the car. I could not find the door handle. I panicked, became frustrated, and then I was like "fug it. Imma sleep in here." Sure, I could have just turned on the interior light, to locate the handle. But I had just mistaken the window crank for the door handle. And was trying to remember if you were suppose to turn it left or right to open the door. I wasn't ready for something as complicated as a switch. It was just by pure dumb luck that my hand touched the handle, and instinctively pulled it towards me. Then in a brief moment of something similar to clarity I thought to myself "Ram the door. " So while holding the handle open I rammed my body into the door. Body half hanging out of the car looking up at the night stars I was grateful to be free. I calmly got up, and slowly walked to my apartment. No one would ever know what had happened that steamy summer night in Green Bay. A few groggy hours later, I woke up to go to work, grabbed my keys, and headed to my car. But it was missing. I was just about to call the cops and report a stolen POS Toyota Corolla, when I overheard some of the other tenants complaining about some idiot parking their car in front of the front entrance, so that no one could get out. They said a tow truck was on the way. "At least I'm not that stupid" I giggled to myself, as I peeked around the corner to see a Toyota Corolla with matching fuzzy seats , driver's door wide open, and hazard lights going off. Oh. Then I calmly got into my car. Turned off the hazard, and drove to work. Just before I got out of my car I thought to myself "Hazard lights? Why?" Then I remembered that I was afraid a cop might drive by, see that I was stuck in my car, and be able to determine that I was drunk. So I turned on the hazard lights hoping they would see the flashing lights, and think another cop had already pulled me over, and keep on driving. ¯\_(?)_/¯ And that was the day I decided to quit drinking. One of the days.