Everything has a reason

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17 years ago, I was devastated, I hated the world as much as I hated myself. I lost what I've been dreaming, so as my family. My sacrifices to maintain a my grades to A+ in one click turned to nothing because of my stupidity. I really don't appreciate what had happened, for me it's a burden, a problem, a dignity issue and so on and so forth. What matters to me that time was my dreams. 17 years ago gave me the realization a year ago. I realized that what if I didn't gave birth? Who will accompany my parents who're growing old and no children living with them because everybody has their own families and work? Who will help them during emergencies? That hit me, when my father got sick, it's my son who sacrificed his school activities just to accompany my mother at the hospital. For me he's the reminder of my bitter yesterday. I love him because he's my son but I know deep inside me that I used to blame him. They stayed at the hospital for 9 days and all I can do is just visit him because I am pregnant. He's the one who filled up my responsibility as a daughter. Until my father died and my mother became alone, again he's the one left at home with my mother. Sometimes, I questioned God Why? I really find hard to forgive myself for what I've done, for disappointing my parents and for causing them indignation. Now, I understand, everything has it's own reason and purpose. We really don't know what lies ahead and what is in store for us. I can say that I am blessed.