Living Everyday With an Narcissist

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Despite all the trouble I cause myself with bad decisions , and yes @46 , I have really done it this time ! I think the whole reason I am blogging on my life is to get this off my chest, and to see if anyone else is going through such a devastating situation . Sometimes talking about it , or even finding out I am not the only one with war stories can help each other . I wrote a blog on Quota, and I'm going to copy and paste my blog from there to here, so I don't have to rewrite it . It will give you ,basically ,what has happened from the beginning until now . Here it goes! Narcissism, Narcissists - Quora How to Protect Your Self From getting Hurt Untrustworthy Men! Stop Getting Hurt by Untrustworthy Men One of our biggest fears is giving our love to someone who ... I married Jeff over 3 years ago, agonizing years. I was 43, single, both kids gone. I was very lonely, but bars weren't an option for me, been there done that! So, I tried internet dating ,big mistake! Out of all these guys to chose from , I choose Jeff, that is, months after chatting with me online, he was very persistent I remember. O, I forgot to mention, Jeff's from Ohio, I'm in Alabama. I wasnt scared to meet him ,I knew he had to teenagers(ouch! Done raising kids!) I knew he wasn't dangerous. To make A longer story short, the night we met 2 weeks Later we were married. I know it! Don't even say it explanation point I knew better but he actually force me and I use the word force by very persistent driving me to the courthouse to get marriage license making me feel kind of guilty I don't know I thought I'm 43 we seem to get along very well he sex is absolutely wonderful not really wanting to raise someone else's kids! O well, I have to go back to Alabama, my life is there, my sons!I'll just go back to Alabama that was my train of thought process at that point ,after being emotionally destroyed all weekend, for being pushed to the altar (courthouse)why was I not good enough to get to know? Well I didn't think that at the time, I thought this guy loves me ! I was back and forth from Alabama for 6 months getting stuff , It was a 14 hour drive round trip! I started noticing odd things about Jeff that I knew was not right. I over looked these things. He started asking me for money, on my ass about transferring my savings which was 12k into his account. I knew I had messed up! Way to Go Julie! Well thank God I didn't, but I might as well have, he ended up draining me dry. See ,he had $12 in the bank when we got married. Who would have thought a person wanting to get married so bad was slap broke! I Carried the burden of keeping my house in Alabama up, and PayPal and Google Walleting Jeff money, (Please don't judge me, I'm paying for this mistake!.) He needed it for rent, Bill's, I thought he's got a job! Hes a real estate agent, he leaves the house everyday and goes somewhere. O! And my sons , where so upset with me for getting married! I was so stressed I couldn't see straight! It was Thanksgiving Eve day ,we just got back from the family dollar, spending $400 instead. I got the call that no parent wants to get. It was my youngest son, Trying so hard to break the news to me that his older brother, my first son Drew was dead. He was texting and driving, hit a dip in the road and went through through the front window, dying instantly. The pain is so deep that I will end it there. Two days later after the Funeral, this man that as told me he loved me which I knew something was going on but he was telling me what I wanted to hear and it worked started packing my stuff in boxes telling me he didn't like the way I made him feel. I was literally lying in the bed Grieving. It was like I did not know who this person was at all his face looked different! He put me in a car packed all my stuff in bags and drove me 7 hours back to Birmingham don't me off curbside and gave me a hug Goodbye. It felt like someone pulled my heart out of my chest, I couldn't breathe. He was the only person who could help my pain! What had I done wrong? I sat in my room in Alabama for 1 month, destroyed over my sons death and wondering what I did wrong, The worst part was the texting me and then ignoring me! This is a man I lusted, lust is very strong! After a few months he was able to forgive me, he said verbatim that he did nothing. And to tell you the truth, other then packing my bags and Driving me back to Alabama I forgotten about About the Horrible text messages things that you can't take back. I needed Jeff, he was my bandaid, he temporarily took the pain away. I'm back in Ohio, things are better. But not for long, same behavior..this picking a fight with me became a pattern. It has happened 3 times total. He makes sure he puts me down, just random! And I would like to mention, I'm a momma bear..I love his kids and him. I spoiled them rotten. I gave Jeff body massages after a long days work..haha but hey ,I didnt want him not to feel like a man. I start getting close to his 15 year old daughter, who complains that her parents are both Narcissistic. No one would listen to her, but one day She starts telling me about things that her dad does that upsets her I thought to myself those are the same things he says to me just in a different situation he never lost it take accountability if he hurts our feelings it doesn't matter what it is if I ask him to feed the cats and he doesn't he will go to extreme to defend himself. So I become her confidant someone she could finally talk too ,and someone that listened . I believed her ,it was the truth! We just couldn't pinpoint it ,meaning we didn't know exactly what it was until googling and finding out we have been gas lighted! He had all the red flags- an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others' feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement x 10! He has told me my dead childs spirit doesn't exist his this house! I was 10 times worse then his exwife..that being 3rd trip to Alabama .And yes returning for that bandaid like herion to an addict. I found out from his daughter that he does this because he doesn't want me to know he can't pay the bills.Was this true? That's all my life ,my money,my heart, my sacrifice, what about my self worth? Now ,just recently, Jeff's Best friend went into my daughter's work which is a restaurant. He went up to her and said, did ya'll get that crazy out of the house?Yes he was speaking of me that way but why?, I also found out that he's embarrassed when I'm not up to going to A Forth of July party at his mother's, My dead son's Birthday was in July. The man has no empathy. The man is in the other room at 3:03 am, while I sit here, in the bedroom, right this very second. Just the night before, he said this was his house and he threw me against the wall. Hes laying next to me now, sees I'm upset, but turns over and snores. I pray God give me the strength to leave. When he acts like he doesn't want me it hurts so bad..I just want him to care..I'm not talking to him nor sex, I told this idiot my secrets! I introduced him to friends and family, only to find out, that he only married me for his eye candy. And when it comes to him or you, hes gonna choose himself everytime! No matter who it hurts. Hes currently asking his daughter, whose now 17, things behind my back. Just degrading things! But what's sad, as his daughter told me before, he does this to her as well. Hes telling me shes stealing money from my purse. Hes trying a to turn us against each other so he wont be the bad guy at any time, no matter who he hurts. He knows his daughter loves me. So hes trying to make it look like I left or make her and angry at one another. Women these men pray on our weaknesses, dont be victim like me. I'll keep you updated.