Time to share my stories - my (kind of) time as a foster child.

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When I was about 8 years old or so (the exact age is a little fuzzy) my older half-brother was beginning to hit puberty. I was always nicer to him then pretty much anyone else was, so he would ask me to show him my chest, and I never thought much of it because I trusted him. He was my big brother. That summer me, my little brother, and my older brother went to the neighbors house to go swim - we'd known her since we moved into the neighborhood and she let all the neighbors come and go with using her pool since most of them didn't have one. I distinctly remember when my little brother was showing off his "amazing canon balls", my older brother pulled me over to the steps and held me onto his lap. I struggled to get away because I wanted to swim and do cannon balls too and practice my diving so I could be as good as my cousin....but he didn't let me. Instead, I felt him rubbing "himself" against me and just before I could ask him what he was doing and why, my neighbor came out of the house, and told me that I needed to go home. Confused, hurt and angry, I went home and cried to my aunt about how I was sent home and that my mom needed to take my brother to the doctor because his hormones were messed up. Admittedly, I didn't really know what that meant. Needless to say, it turned into a huge fiasco. My dad called the cops, and I had a rape kit done on me. The court hearing came and the verdict was passed. I was not allowed to be around my older brother until I turned 18 and he was 21. He went to live with my grandma and I was no longer and innocent little girl. After my grandma died (another story) I was moved around from family to family to family, never able to stay in one place because of holidays and other things. I was never with any family long enough to really learn anything other then "you can stay with us for a while, but we can't keep you, as much as we wish we could." My mom would never give any of us up. Finally after a little over 2 years of this, my older brother decided that I needed to be with my mom again, and he put himself into juvenile hall until he turned 18. It was an enormous sacrifice for him, but he did it for me. Going back to live with my mom and my little brother again (my parents had been divorced and up till that point, I hadn't seen my dad....another story). It was a nightmare. I didn't know how to live with them. I didn't know how to be part of their lives. I was struggling to do things that I hadn't done in years - cooking, cleaning- everyday things that were so simple, but I had no idea how to do them. Even washing dishes was a struggle to re-learn. My relationships with my family have always been strange and we still struggle to find a good happy medium in our relationships, but I hold no grudge against my brother. Thanks to that situation, I have made amazing connections that are still so strong today. One of my "foster" families is still closer to me than ever. My best friend that has saved my life twice (sara, the one who wrote stories with me) and her mom are still very active in my life. We talk almost every day and I am repairing another bridge with one of my other families. They were all so patient with me as I acted out, and struggled with finding my way. I don't know who I would be right now if it wasn't for them. The takeaway, i believe from this message is that, no matter what you go through or how many times you move around, who comes and goes out of your life, there is always something that can be gained from the situation. There are so many wonderful people out there who don't have to be our light in the dark - but they chose to be. They chose to bring us into their lives and help us find out who we are. Even the ones who put us in difficult situations that seem so terrible, they give us lessons too. We can learn a positive from any and every situation - so long as we chose to see it. Thank you to all my moms, dads and my enormous amount of siblings for always trying to do what was best for me, and help me do what was best for myself - even when I was being a stubborn teenager and didn't want to believe in myself. I love you all.