Are Mothers Always Women?
@owlwings (43910)
Cambridge, England
May 12, 2019 2:28am CST
Isn't it rather odd that when we say that someone 'fathered a child' we only understand that he did the basic creation bit and no more, yet when we talk about 'mothering' we mean a whole lot more than just giving birth?
'To mother' means everything from making sure the child is clothed and fed, has their hair brushed and their face washed, has their packed lunch and will get to school on time to giving comfort and cuddles, mending grazed knees and soothing bruises ... the list goes on!
Fathers (well, good ones) do a lot of this as well (and so do uncles and aunts and grandpas and grandmas, of course) and more so these days, when both parents often have to work.
Some countries (but not the UK, for one) are celebrating Mother's Day today. Let's not forget that good fathers also do quite a bit of 'mothering', too! Did you have a father who did that?
Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers and fathers and uncles and aunts and grandpas and grandmas and even random friends who have ever had to mother a child, even for only a little while!
I have always thought that this song reminds me best of what 'mothering' means (even though it's all about the lack of it!). Odetta's version is just about the best I've heard:
From the album 'Odetta at Carnegie Hall' (1963) Odetta accompanying herself on guitar with Bill Lee on string bass; Choir from Church of the Master; Director...
24 people like this
24 responses
@arunima25 (87855)
• Bangalore, India
12 May 19
I am glad that we have come to an era of shared parenting with both parents working. Both parents equally share the responsibility and no one is denied of the pleasure because of their gender. We do celebrate Father's Day too in June.
5 people like this
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
12 May 19
It seems that many countries (including some of India and the UK - only since the mid 20th Century) celebrate Fathers' Day on the third Sunday of June. I had thought that it was purely an American invention but, apparently, the Roman Catholics have celebrated fathers on March 19th (the Feast of St. Joseph) at least since the Middle Ages.
3 people like this
@arunima25 (87855)
• Bangalore, India
12 May 19
@owlwings I am glad that we are acknowledging fathers as equal in parenting. And good that more and more men are breaking the stereotypes and becoming a hands on father doing all that was earlier confined to a mom's role.
3 people like this
@arunima25 (87855)
• Bangalore, India
12 May 19
@Thewings Yes they both are important. Glad that more and more dads are enjoying their role of nurturer other than being only the provider.
3 people like this
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
13 May 19
@Fleura I agree there is exceptions. If she is in that position without her will then probably she can't love the baby. My statement is apt for those who long for a child and on getting pregnant they definitely start to love the baby inside womb regardless of gender, colour etc.
2 people like this
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
12 May 19
My personal honest thought is we who fathered did not carry what we made for 9 months , fed it inside plus the risk of dying because of it. Secondly we simply don't have the mammary glands necessary to give the first nourishment outside the womb that contains natural immunity so " mothering" is steps ahead . After these stages then it's all about even for fathering, " uncling" , grandmothering, etc..and the likes. You are right we should congratulate every one who did a part and a good job.
4 people like this
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
12 May 19
It's very true, of course, that we didn't do all of those things that only women can do. It's odd, though, that when we think of the action of 'mothering', it is not that which immediately comes to mind - I suppose that is mostly because we ourselves don't have much memory of that part of it and remember much more clearly the years when we were children rather than infants.
3 people like this
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
12 May 19
@owlwings agree, natural infantile amnesia plays a big role.
3 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16785)
• China
12 May 19
There is something in what you said ! In real life,there are many fathers who do as much as a mother for their children.This must be the reason why there is Father's Day.
4 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (47622)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
12 May 19
I first heard Motherless Child on Peter, Paul and Mary's A Song Will Rise album, one of the first LPs I owned. I'd often replay that cut, even though I definitely had a mother at the time. It just triggered something in me.
2 people like this
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
12 May 19
As a small bit-player in the 'Folk Song Revival' of the 60s, 70s, 80s and ... (well, I think it's revived now, but I keep singing the songs anyway), we always rather disparaged Peter, Paul and Mary. Listening to them again (and the track right after that was their cover of Ewan McColl's beautiful "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face"), I realise that they had some very good arrangements and Mary Travers' voice is truly lovely. Of course, they've added some verses to "Motherless Child" to make it long enough.
3 people like this
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
23 Jan 20
@rebelann Apparently, the custom arose in about the 16th Century of returning to one's 'mother' church on the 4th Sunday in Lent. The 'mother' church was either the church in which one had been baptised or the cathedral of the diocese. It became a custom for people in service (working away from home in a large country house) to be given the day off to visit their home parish and their families and this gradually evolved into the secular practice of honouring one's mother on that day. In the early part of the 20th Century, the practice had begun to lapse and a lady named Constance Penswick-Smith, inspired by the efforts of Anna Jarvis in the United States, started a movement for its revival.
Our Mother's Day is always on the 4th Sunday in Lent and, as Lent varies with Easter, falls on a different day each year. This year it is March 22nd
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothering_Sunday
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45645)
• Philippines
12 May 19
i only saw our father do household chores when he retired. i don't remember seeing fathers out with their sons or daughters. but now, it's good to see them in public transportation, eating out, grocery shopping. even the commercials here are now feature stay-at-home fathers.
3 people like this
@epiffanie (11326)
• Australia
19 Sep 19
I divorced when my three boys were very young.. And I tried my very best to be the mother and the father at the same time because unfortunately, the ex husband was not that much interested... But I have met a lot of fathers that are also excellent in playing the role of mother.. Some of the best fathers I know are mothers.. and some of the best mothers I know are fathers ...
2 people like this
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
19 Sep 19
We're all different and, perhaps, the best of us (as parents) have a mixture of male and female characteristics and can be 'mother' or 'father' as required. Some men, I know, just aren't ready to be fathers even when they have children. Only the other day my niece said that her husband admitted he wasn't ready for fatherhood when their first child arrived (he's been a pretty good dad ever since, though, to his credit!)
2 people like this
@Fleura (30539)
• United Kingdom
12 May 19
You're right, it is strange and yet I guess to a certain extent it reflects the reality of who does what. But as you say fathering is more than just a 15-min effort!
Many fathers over the years have put in a lot of work behind the scenes though - I know my father (in the 70s) read me endless stories, bathed me, rocked me to sleep as a baby, taught me to read and write, played games with me in the garden... nevertherless it was rare until relatively recently to see an unaccompanied man out in public with a pram or pushchair, people would be looking at him wondering whether he'd stolen it! Just in the last 15 years or so that has become quite commonplace.
3 people like this
@everwonderwhy (7365)
•
4 Sep 20
Yes. By definition, truth, fact and nature of the word, 'mother'.
1 person likes this
@yanzalong (18987)
• Indonesia
6 Aug 19
Of course mothers are women but mothering is not. It depends who does the mothering.
1 person likes this
@psanasangma (7281)
• India
20 Jun 19
Tittle seek clarification, in this present days, mothers' role can be played by fathers also but difference is only father will be father because of gender based, mother cannot be called father, father cannot be called mother..
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
14 Sep 19
Both Father and Mother did give their all to us, all of us.
I so miss them both and their selfless love. RIP
1 person likes this
