Alas, Poor Sarah! I knew Her, Horatio

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MyLot Exclusive #211 A girl of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: she hath borne me on her back a thousand times---No, not really. We're just close friends. But not close enough for her to have borne me on her back. Even once. Let alone a thousand times. Don't get me wrong. I like that kind of thing. A lot. Maybe even more than I should. But come on. Not with her. Yuck. Not even if she were smart and attractive. We're just close friends. That's all and I urge you to keep that in mind over the next few days despite whatever my so-called friends at the Fake News Enemy Of The People New York Times say about us over the next few days. Before I go any further, I want to thank my friend Bill (Bill Shakespeare, not my friend Bill Clinton, he used to be a politician who was reasonably famous for a while) for helping out with the title and the first paragraph. In fact, he wrote most of it. All I did was a tiny bit of minor editing towards the end that you probably didn't even notice. Anyway, we are gathered here today to talk about Sarah---And there was no back or even front borneing going on. Not between us, anyway. Her forthcoming book might include some of that, though, involving her and a former boss who might or might not be my friend Donny but I'm not going to say because you know I don't give Spoilers---and how she has quit her job. Or got fired. None of us are sure yet. But there doesn't seem to be much anger between her and Donny. I called her when I heard the news and she didn't really tell me much of anything aside from the obvious. She just said, "I am OUT of this flea infested rattrap. I can't take the constant lying and cheating and you wouldn't believe what the hookers do on the beds! Well, you would cause you've seen it but no one else would! God, I need a LONG shower!" And then she hung up on me. So it's a mystery. Maybe things will become clearer in the coming days. Or maybe you can tell me what's going on. You probably spend more time in the White House than I do. I only work there and I spend most of the day counting the seconds until 5 o'clock. But if I get any news before you do, I will pass it along. Sarah Huckabee Sanders Is DONE