On Correcting Someone
By Raine38
@Raine38 (12250)
United States
July 1, 2019 7:43pm CST
Do you take being corrected as a positive or a negative experience? If the delivery of the correction was done in private and with tact, do you welcome it, or shun it?
I have a friend who is an aspiring writer. She wants to write about her autobiography and her immigration journey. While her story is not new, I am sure that she has her own unique tales that she wants to share. She is doing this by herself – she will self-publish but she will hire and consult with an editor for her book.
Sometime before publishing her book, she would post snippets of it on Facebook. I noticed that there were grammar errors and dangling sentence structures. I do not mean to sound like the grammar police – but I do proofreading on the side, albeit I am not on an expert level yet as I am still a beginner. I messaged her privately to tell her of the errors that I saw, and she assured me that these are just drafts and her other friend will read the manuscript before she sends it to her editor. Then the editor will be the final eye for everything. I did apologize to her if my approach seems odd, but I only have good intentions for her. Satisfied with her response, I did not pursue the matter altogether and expressed that I will support and promote her book when the time comes.
After more than a year, she has published. True to my promise, I promoted her book through my social media accounts and I also bought a copy of her book. To my surprise, I saw lots of errors. I do not want to sound like the friend who only sees the wrong things, so I kept it all to myself for a while. When she asked me what I thought of it, I told her that I enjoyed reading her life story and experiences. I did mention that there are a few typographical errors but I am sure that her editor will be able to help with it. She gave me a funny look, and said okay. I think I offended her, so I apologized if I came across as a fault-finder, but I assured her that as I am not an expert proofreader as her editor so I am most likely wrong. She just brushed it off and we moved on.
Fast forward to a few months later, I heard from a common friend that she never went to an editor – she did consult with one for a few times but for the rest of her book writing up until publishing, she is doing it by herself. I would like to offer her my help, or refer her to my graduate school resources who are far better at proofreading than I do. But I think she does not take to being corrected very well. I treasure our friendship; we have not been friends for long so our relationship is still fragile, if I were to describe it.
All in all, I just want the best for her. And when we saw that she has a couple of negative reviews on Amazon out of 5, I sincerely ached for her. I will try and suggest consulting an editor for her next time. Hopefully she takes my suggestion professionally, and know that it is coming from someone who is rooting for her.
6 people like this
7 responses
@cperry2 (5608)
• Newport, Oregon
2 Jul 19
This is all too true. But you cannot force someone to accept help. You can only make it available to them. It is their decision from that point forward.
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
2 Jul 19
When I wrote my first novel, I had to develop a thick skin concerning revision suggestions and corrections. Over time, I have come to rely on my editor and my proofreaders as being indispensable. I hope, rather than become discouraged, your friend realizes she needs a qualified editor to make her book the best it can be.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12250)
• United States
2 Jul 19
I hope so too. And I hope she also develops a thicker skin - if those 2 negative reviews from Amazon affected her that much, I cannot just imagine if she has 20! I guess she also has to be able to differentiate constructive criticisms and those who are plain being mean.
I really care for her, and since I do not want to stir something or hurt her, I can only unload on here. I will not hurt her, but I know that I will have to say something eventually, especially since she is on the process of writing her book 2.
1 person likes this
@dgobucks226 (35611)
•
23 Sep 19
I think you tried to handle the situation very diplomatically. Some people do not like to have mistakes pointed out.
Your friend would rather not hear constructive criticism even if it helps. Degrees of sensitivity to being corrected vary among people. All you can do is suggest and its up to that person to take your advice. For me, if the correction is valid I take the advise for what it is, assistance...
@debjani1 (7202)
•
3 Jul 19
You did your best part for your friend. But she is unlucky that she didn't understands you. It's her fault.
@cperry2 (5608)
• Newport, Oregon
2 Jul 19
It's funny. As someone who works with the public on a regular basis, I honestly don't mind being corrected. For one thing I believe it keeps me humble, (or more humble anyway) another is that I appreciate new information because I do not wish to give out bad information. I find that more embarrassing than being corrected. Especially since I am working at a graduate school and a science center at that.
As for your friend, you have done what you can. Stay friends and let this go. It is her journey, and her pitfalls that she is facing. If she is not willing to accept help, then so be it. You can be there to help her pick up the pieces later.
I am also a writer. My grammar is atrocious and I know it. I have four novels I've written and am trying to raise funds to get at least one of them through the editing process so that I can publish. I would never ever put something out that I know is full of mistakes. But that is me.
1 person likes this
@Sedakabloom (94)
•
6 Jul 19
I think u did the right thing telling her about the errors.
I mean she should understand that it's her reputation at stake.. everyone else who's gonna read this book are gonna concentrate more on errors rather than her life experiences.. As a friend u tried to warn her about the mistakes and she should've taken it seriously.
@sophie09 (34236)
• Indonesia
2 Jul 19
well that's a very nice of you to do that. Sometime if this someone is really our best friend and we've known them for a long time, just correct them if they're doing something wrong, that's okay i think if they will end up mad with us or anything. we should show them that we want the best for them.
btw thanks for sharing your story
