How do you tell someone you can't be there for them?
By Cait Tallon
@skydream (1445)
Agate, Colorado
August 5, 2019 12:30am CST
I try my best to be there for anyone and everyone and always make time for that but I've noticed I don't get that back in return. I usually don't mind because they need support however ive been noticing a lot of friends or people I thought were friends would only ever talk about them and when it came to me offered no support advice or anything. Or the worst they don't even care to ask about you.
There's a few people I have been messaging almost 24/7 for a while either people I know or people my friends knew and thought I could help and everyday I try to help offer advice support whatever they made need but i have my own stuff going on, theres some serious family stuff going on, and stuff with me and my health and having to get on and try to help people deal with their problems that are big to them but seem small in comparison to what i have going on and i never get asked or anything. Every message is something else being wrong and the person I talk to most is because a close friend asked me to because their relationship however my own situation has me already feeling down and depressed then getting on to messages of nothing but problems and putting that on my plate while not having the same support is really draining.
I don't want to seem selfish but at some point I'm tired of feeling like a therapist to everyone else and not having it back and be expected to always be on to answer and help. I need to take care of my own problems and not focus on others and I don't know how to say that in a nice way where someone won't get upset?
13 people like this
14 responses
@aureategloom (11051)
• Bosnia And Herzegovina
5 Aug 19
you got every right to say what you think and how you feel and if you're tired of being a therapist to everyone else, you should just say it.
2 people like this
@aureategloom (11051)
• Bosnia And Herzegovina
9 Aug 19
@skydream guess it's time to learn to put your feelings first :)
@amitkokiladitya (171927)
• Agra, India
5 Aug 19
Sometimes it is good yo say it out straight forward
2 people like this
@1hopefulman (45114)
• Canada
5 Aug 19
It is a fact of life that most people are only concerned about themselves. We all need a few people that also care about us. I hope you can find a few like that. I wish you well with whatever you are dealing with in your life! 
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (45114)
• Canada
5 Aug 19
@kepweng Yes, we can get very discouraged in life at times. Don't give up my friend!
1 person likes this
@tammys85 (30227)
• Baltimore, Maryland
10 Aug 19
Hmmm, I'm not sure. I've met people who take even the little things and turn it into something about them, so I can understand your frustration. I can also understand not wanting a confrontation, and not wanting to be selfish. Truth is, you're not selfish. People can't expect you to solve all their problems, and it's going to be hard to even try to help anyone if you're not taking care of yourself, if that makes sense.
You could try talking to them, let them know that you need a shoulder too. If that doesn't work, kindly explain that if you don't respond back right away, it's because you're going through a lot as well. I hope they start to listen more. 
@sprite1950 (30452)
• Corsham, England
10 Aug 19
There comes a time when you have stop people leaning on you because it gets too much. I would say to them you will be off the radar for a while because you have a few problems of your own .. and see if they want to help you in the same way you helped them. I think that's how we discover who our true friends are.
@just4him (318848)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
22 Oct 19
It's time to let go of those shallow acquaintances. You need to take care of you and if nobody cares about what you are going through, then it's time to let them go.
@Courtlynn (67090)
• United States
1 Oct 19
Just say it how you did here in your last paragraph. If they're real friends they'll understand
@Kuttu_007 (1940)
• India
5 Aug 19
It's better to say the brutal truth rather than saying a sweet lie
1 person likes this
@Janet357 (75646)
•
5 Aug 19
if people are like this to you, then stay away from them. though when we offer help, dont expect them to repay it.
but i do get your point. we must have this give and take relationship but it is so happened finding a true friend is really hard
the only thing you can do at the moment is to love yourself and give more focus on it.
1 person likes this
@skydream (1445)
• Agate, Colorado
9 Aug 19
I am going to try to stay away from it. Like yousaid when we offer help i dont expect them to then repay it but at some point you cant keep putting them first
