Toxic mothers. Exist!

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I have had a fairly toxic relationship with my foster mother, since I am adopted, my adoptive father died when I was 9 years old, he was the one who could not conceive children, my adoptive mother instead, already had a daughter from her previous marriage, Then, when she was already married to my father, they decided to adopt me because my father was sterile, unfortunately he died shortly and my adoptive mother stayed with me, having to raise a daughter who was not his so small and without help. I never remember a phrase like "I love you daughter" or "I feel proud of you" it was all based on words like: "you are a failure" or "you will always be mediocre" or "everything you do wrong is useless." I grew up with all those words and in a moment she fell into the alcohol with some "drunk friends" and once tried to kill me with a knife with which we struggled and I ran from home in the early morning to my sister's house through the streets alone. He still insults me, she still tells me ugly things, every sentimental failure she reminds me almost daily as if celebrating that this had happened to me. So since I do not usually have friends because she ran them from home I was left alone without friends, I do not visit anyone or my family, because she has put me wrong with my whole family taking advantage that I do not visit them to defend my point, simply now that I am a mother I cannot understand how there are mothers who do not love their children, she adopted me when I was just 1 day old, she is 35 years old with me and I should feel like her daughter, but she has even done things to separate me from my couples until he succeeds in sowing discord among us, I even got married at a desperate time when I wanted to leave that house destroying almost my life and divorced at 8 months later. By this I mean that if there are toxic mothers, we must stop romanticizing that concept of "perfect mother", it is true, I am not a perfect mother myself, but I love my children, I take care of them alone because I am a single mother, I I sometimes alter because all my burdens I carry them absolutely alone without anyone's help, but I always come back with them to hug them, kiss them and tell them daily that I love them to give you quality moments. But there is a big difference between being an imperfect mother than being a bad mother, I would never destroy my children's dreams by calling them failures, if there are mothers capable of killing their children in the news, then we have seen it all.