Broke down infront of my boss
By Theresaaiza
@Theresaaiza (10487)
Australia
August 13, 2019 8:23am CST
My boss called me in today and gave me some scathing performance feedback because of my regular sick leaves. I am not faking my illnesses. I get sick a lot. I also feel that she hated me since day 1. Doesn't help that I do have confidence issues that I am grateful I have come this far without getting suspended or fired.
Everyday is a conscious effort to do my best but always feeling that I don't measure up.
Today, I broke down infront of her. The last 14 months had been super tough for me but I didn't realize how bad this has affected me until today. First, the stresses of preparing the wedding. I had two. One for Australia and one for my family in Philippines. Then my dad had a heart attack a month before my wedding. It also wiped out all of my savings. Now I have a huge loan in the bank.
She referred me for counselling which I am keen on. But I can't help but feel embarrassed. Both at my poor performance and with my meltdown.
The words "I am disappointed at you" still ringing in my ear until now.
3 people like this
3 responses
@tammys85 (30065)
• Baltimore, Maryland
14 Aug 19
It's not your fault you get sick, and your boss should be more kind. I'm so sorry about your Dad (I've been there, and I know how much it sucks), and that you've been so stressed. There's nothing to be embarrassed over, you're only human and we all reach our breaking point. I hope you decide to do counselling, and that it helps. If you ever need to vent, my inbox is open, but no pressure. Hang in there. 
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
17 Aug 19
This is what I don't understand. I left my other job because we are always so short staffed and I couldn't take a sick day. I had gastro one time and literally forced myself to drive half an hour to work and had to face patients, had to excuse myself many times cause I was so sick in the stomach. So embarrassing. Then, because I had more flexibility with schedule being single and no kids, whenever a nurse calls in sick, I fill in. But nobody does the same for me. In the end, my work ethics were questioned whenever I rang in to say I'm sick. In the end, I decided it wasn't for me. So I left.
This time, this workplace is always overstaffed. So I don't see why she has to berate us whenever we are off sick. She does it to everyone. Not just me. The whole institution has agreed that managers stop doing this but she kept on.
1 person likes this
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
17 Aug 19
Oh and thanks for offering a listening ear. Very kind of you. :)
1 person likes this
@tammys85 (30065)
• Baltimore, Maryland
22 Aug 19
@Theresaaiza You're welcome! Is it possible to report her to the institution again? She's obviously not listening.
@hereandthere (45645)
• Philippines
13 Aug 19
i'm glad she offered the counseling and that you're open to it. i wish she didn't express her disappointed like that. i hope your father is better now.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
17 Aug 19
Father is better but thinks he's very fragile, so he feels very fragile.
I am open to counselling because even if I love my job, my boss makes me very uncomfortable at work. I feel like I will never measure up. I am working to impress her not because I am happy with what I am doing so things feel "forced, if you know what I mean. it's nice to work when you know the other end trusts you enough to do the work, Not because you're trying to score brownie points.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Aug 19
I'm sorry for the hard time you've been having lately, you have had a lot going on!
We all have a breaking point and you reached yours. That's not something to be ashamed of.
You are loved by God, you are special and good enough, you are amazing in God's eyes and the enemy is lying to you when he tells you anything different!
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
13 Aug 19
Thank you Jennifer.
in a good way, I am thankful for my boss even if I am not strongly fond of her. But she made a good point pointing out where I fared poorly in my performance. Although I would have preferred a bit more sympathy and warmth instead of going the easy way out by saying " OK I will give you the number for the staff counselling". Didn't eve get a "there, there" with a rub on my shoulder or anything.
All good cause that would have been really weird.
All good cause that would have been really weird.1 person likes this
