True Confessions - The ATM Machine

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Are you, like me, in the "A" camp, and find me hilarious, or are you in the "B" camp, the opposition, and find me to be a world-class, "What the hell is wrong with you?" screwup? Read on and find out about the dangers of unlimited access to an ATM machine! As always, a little background. I have managed to pack about 200 years worth of fun into my 55 years on this planet. To put it mildly, when on their death beds, a lot of people that spent their lives obsessed with their careers, being uptight and ultra-serious, are going to suddenly wish they had been more like me. I, on the other hand, am going to revel in the fact that I was nothing like them. I regret nothing. Am I irresponsible? Hell yes! Take a moment or two and think about the most irresponsible person you know. I make that person look like the most organized, squared away guy on the planet. I was only diagnosed as being Bipolar about 20 years ago. Now, thanks to medication, therapy, and hard work, I can manage it for the most part, but for the majority of my life, when I went manic, all bets were off. You also need to know that Shotgun Willies, located in the Denver suburb of Glendale, has been Denver's self-proclaimed top Gentleman's Club since it's inception in 1982. But this starts out with a Saturday afternoon bike ride, about 35 miles in length. My buddy and I ended up in Downtown Denver, and decided that the Pepsi Center would make a logical turning around point. The Colorado Avalanche had just finished a playoff game against the Dallas Stars, and the parking lot had cleared out. As luck would have it, my buddy found 20 bucks in said parking lot, and we rode back to our vehicles, which were parked at our workplace, which happened to be located across the street from Shotgun Willies. "Why don't we go over and spend this 20 bucks at Shotguns?" he suggested, as if I were going to decline or something. Well, we ended up staying much longer than 20 dollars. I didn't realize how much longer until a couple weeks later, when I got my bank statement. "What the hell? Why do I have all of these hundred dollar ATM withdrawals from the same machine on the same day?" Took me a few minutes of perplexity to remember that Saturday afternoon at Shotguns. If you are unfamiliar with strippers and strip clubs, here's how it works in a nutshell: Let's say that you are sitting there at Stage One, enjoying the show. Cinnamon is dancing, and you think Cinnamon is extremely hot, so you've tipped her well, and you creepily follow her over to Stage Two for her next set. Despite the fact that about two minutes ago Cinnamon was pushing her boobs in your face over on Stage One, Cinnamon doesn't actually remember you while she's dancing up on Stage Two. Same goes if you get even more creepy and follow her over to Stage Three! About a month after that bike ride, we returned to Shotguns. How much had I gone off on my previous visit? One of the strippers was all over me as soon as we walked in the door. A girl that normally forgets that you exist as soon as she rotates to the next stage remembered me, remembered my name, remembered the multiple lap dances, a month later. It's very difficult, nearly impossible, to make that kind of an impact on a stripper. That's how much I went off! I totally rule! Pure hilarity!