An awkward but a rare observation in Joint Family
By Paras Pandey
@parpande (1515)
Bangalore, India
September 3, 2019 12:19pm CST
I had this scrutinized very carefully and think it holds true for those residing with a joint family with multiple siblings and cousins of Uncles and Aunts together.This would definitely look fun and ecstatic to have bunch of people against some nuclear families these days.
I had it happened to me a while back that an aunt of mine complained of me being very reserved and introvert to talk to their children . Their children meant almost 10+ teenage kids of her and her immediate brothers and sisters. I could not reply her precisely at that moment and I concluded perhaps she should be right and changed my attitude to mingle with those kids.Later I felt as if I am being ignored but to an utter surprise I discovered those teenagers were obsessed to have only that group of people.
Now, after a while the same aunt again raised the same question in a marriage party for me. I am glad I replied her with very minute of details ...
I said I am no introvert rather it is that group who are very introvert as it is very hard for them to make company of anybody outside of that probably ten people. I had this proved as well before her by saying that within the same marriage party did anyone of these children speak to anyone outside of their virtual bubble of those 10 teenagers, a bubble that they are uncomfortable to come out of ....
Does talking to a member of that crowd defines me if I am social or introvert?
Even I noticed a similar finding within my spouse` joint family as well.
Is there anyone who seem to have noticed something similar ... care to share??
8 people like this
7 responses
@arunima25 (87861)
• Bangalore, India
3 Sep 19
I grew up in a huge joint family. And I got married into one. Well now everyone lives in different places because of job and other stuff but when we meet on any occasion it's a huge gathering on both sides. My mom in law feels that I am more of a snob at times. She stays with me for most of the year and sees that I care a lot for my both sides family. But somewhere I don't compromise on certain things and draw the limitation. I talk a lot with people and my job also makes me do that. I do a lot of social services and am interactive with people of all ages. I come from a family where all ladies worked and on my husband's side very few work. So when there is a gathering, ladies talk mostly of dresses and jewelry and such things. I can't participate much in that though I try to. But soon I move towards male group where there is interesting discussion about politics, economics, movies, current affairs etc. I am quite vocal there. So sometimes I am tagged a snobbish.
5 people like this
@parpande (1515)
• Bangalore, India
3 Sep 19
rather it should be the reverse if looked from a common perspective. I would not say talking of jewelry and those girls`/ladies` talk alludes to be snobbish , but I feel politics, economics, movies, current affairs should indicate more of an educated individual. It is a common perspective and I am influenced with it to an extent but I could definitely be wrong as well.
2 people like this
@arunima25 (87861)
• Bangalore, India
4 Sep 19
@parpande I felt a little bad in my initial days and deliberately tried to fit in. But then my husband asked me to be myself. I have always done a lot with my heart for my family and he knows it well. In fact sometimes he deliberately invites me to be a part of those discussions with those males when he finds that I am totally left out here. In fact that has come to a big relief to some more ladies
2 people like this
@parpande (1515)
• Bangalore, India
4 Sep 19
@arunima25 Like you already said you were a family with almost all of the career woman would have definitely shaped your preferences and psychology. I hope people would have by now learnt of your liking ..
2 people like this
@vandana7 (100699)
• India
21 Oct 19
It takes time to adjust. They are as awkward with you as you were with them. They are too old to build any memories with you, like you taking them out for movies, going out to eat with them. They don't identify with you, and its ok! Nothing to beat yourself about.
On personal front, I faced the same issues. I have lived in hostels so yes, fitting in requires extra effort. Especially if you have cousins who are the stay at home types.
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
25 Oct 19
Our family is very dysfunctional is all I can say. But there are only arguments so we do not communicate. It is best that way. Sorry you have this.
@just4him (317459)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
18 Dec 19
I'm sorry your cousins exclude you. I don't think you're an introvert.
@ShifaLk (17817)
• India
16 Sep 19
Ya.. actually that's nothing your fault.
Whenever I am with some younger people than me.. Who are in their 20s
And I m 31
So I am friendly with them and they do like me but I know they don't like to spend time with me more than their own age group and I don't even mind that because I, myself, love to be with my age people. So we have a good understanding.
