Got the divorce decree in the mail this afternoon
By NJ Chicaa
@NJChicaa (119543)
United States
September 6, 2019 4:07pm CST
I knew that it happened (I didn't go to court) and I knew that my ex put it in the mail. I knew it was coming. Still it was a shock to actually see the words on paper. We spent almost 1/3 of our lives together and this has been so hard.
I can now bring that to the Personnel department at work to get him off of my health insurance which will save me about 50%. I don't think I'm going to bother to change my name. It has been what it is for 11 years now. Everyone at work knows me as that. Plus I just can't be bothered to call up all of my accounts and have them change it. Hell, I'd keep it just to avoid having to go to the Social Security office and deal with that disaster. He said he didn't care if I kept it so that's what I'm planning to do.
22 people like this
23 responses
@Blondie2222 (28611)
• United States
7 Sep 19
I'm sorry this happened to you, 11 years is sure a long time. But hopefully you can keep it civil and no hardships along the way.
2 people like this
@Blondie2222 (28611)
• United States
7 Sep 19
@NJChicaa Oh wow that's crazy all of a sudden a divorce after so many years.
2 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
6 Sep 19
I think if my husband and I ever split, I would probably keep his last name. I have had a few changes in names and this one I am most comfortable with. Besides, Little Miss now carries his last name too.
The paperwork always brings a slight sting with it. But, it lessens over time. Big hugs to you lady.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
6 Sep 19
@NJChicaa I had to get a copy of my divorce decrees from my 2 previous marriages. When I read the one from my first husband, who is the father to my children, I got a little weepy. Felt a little strange.
1 person likes this
@NJChicaa (119543)
• United States
6 Sep 19
@ElusiveButterfly Yeah. I cried. I called him to let him know that I had received them and cried some more. It has been a tough afternoon/evening.
1 person likes this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
6 Sep 19
I remember when I was served the papers, the mail lady was supposed to knock on the door and have me sign for them but she didn't. I was home and saw the mail truck but she neither knocked on the door or rang the door bell, just stuck a notice that it wasn't delivered. I called the post office before she could so much as get out of the neighborhood and blessed them out for it.
I was all sorts of nervous and upset at that time. I kept my exes last name as well as it was easier, especially with the social security office.
1 person likes this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
6 Sep 19
@NJChicaa I don't know why the sheriff didn't come with these, I guess because he went through a lawyer. I was mailed the papers and had to sign for them, then I think sign them myself, feel like I had to go to a notary to sign it.
No, the real agony for me was when he had his best friend get the ring from me. He was with him, but he made his friend take it from me instead of him doing it.
It takes awhile to get used to saying ex-husband. I think I was saying husband for a good six months before I got used to say ex.
1 person likes this
@NJChicaa (119543)
• United States
6 Sep 19
@ScribbledAdNauseum yeah I still think "husband" in my mind all the time. I know it will take time to change that mindset. I think I told you before but he didn't DARE try to get my rings back from me. I would have fought him tooth and nail for them. That being said I do plan to sell them in the near future. Might as well use that money towards a down payment on a house.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (121548)
• Gainesville, Florida
7 Sep 19
I am so sorry that you had to go through this. I remember when I got my divorce papers. That's when the reality of the situation finally settled in. Keep yourself busy and occupied and your mind on other things and it will lessen the sting somewhat.
1 person likes this
@kobesbuddy (78882)
• East Tawas, Michigan
9 Sep 19
So everything is final, I was sure he'd change his mind. Anyway, I kept Bruce's last name, I liked it better than my maiden name, Vance. Plus, both my children went by Pelletier, so to lessen on confusion, I kept the same last name. For us, it was 10 years.
1 person likes this
@happythoughts (4109)
• United States
6 Sep 19
Divorce is hard even if it is the easiest divorce ever. I'm sorry you are going through this trying time. I wouldn't change my name either. After 11 years that is your name now. You are getting a divorce and ending the marriage, its not like the marriage never happened. I think that changing my name would be like trying to pretend it never happened. You seem to be handling it pretty well. How are you getting by? Are you keeping your mind on other things?
@shaggin (72116)
• United States
7 Sep 19
That's nice he doesn't mind you keeping the name. I'd change mine if I was divorced but I know lots of people who keep their married name. I can imagine the shock you must have felt even with knowing it would be coming. That pang it your chest at the finality to it all.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (180452)
• United States
6 Sep 19
I never changed my name either...it's my son's name so for simplicity..it just seemed easier. Did he ever say why he wanted this divorce?
1 person likes this
@Tina30219 (81899)
• Onaway, Michigan
7 Sep 19
I kept mine as well after the divorce.
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
8 Sep 19
I hope one day you can look back at this difficult time and be in a better time Chicaa.
1 person likes this
@ilocosboy (45156)
• Philippines
7 Sep 19
I'm sorry to hear this. It will be hard for you but life must go on.
1 person likes this
@Happy2BeMe (99380)
• Canada
8 Sep 19
I know I said this many times but I am so sorry you are going through this.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160626)
• United States
6 Sep 19
I am sorry for the shock you are feeling. I can understand why you would not want to go to the ttrouble of changing your name.
1 person likes this
