A manager or lead doesn't need to show that they have full control by preaching or talking down others

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A Manager or a Lead - whether group or of a single team have lots of work and responsibility. They have to be supportive of their employees as well as be firm and strict at times. However what puts me off is the way many of these Leads or Managers talk down employees either in a big meeting or individually. The core issues are skipped and folks are criticized about a leave or two extra taken here and there. Or being a few minutes late. I was once even told that I don't just have lunch or tea with just a particular person but with others too. I actually did not like such a thing as I feel that it is mine or other person's personal preference. I feel that a Lead or a Manager need not show his or her being in control. This in fact indicates some kind of a lack of confidence or fear. In fact, in some semi-organized firms, things are even worse and folks even have to work 18 hours a day. What is your opinion?