Social pressure of being a woman over 30
@EleonorRigby (96)
Mexico
January 21, 2020 1:27am CST
I currently turned 34, ended a relationship with a person who's been around in my life for almost half of it. My life has not been even close to what I thought it would be at this age. I guess this happens to most of us.
I always saw myself as a mother by the age of 30. Unfortunately during my long term relationship it never happened. I live in a very old fashioned culture, a yet very macho culture. As many Latin American countries unfortunately are. As time has gone by I have lost the desire of procreating. That makes my family consider me a crazy person. To them I will die alone. I respect single mothers but I just don't want to be one. I grew up in a dysfunctional family and I think it's unfair to make my child pay the toll of my selfishness. Just because I don't wanna "die" alone.
I have recently ended my relationship. Maybe it's because everything is still very fresh but I find that having a partner is actually useless. Maybe my expectations are too high or surreal but it's absurd how happiness vanishes in the blink of an eye. How you end up feel and finding your life completely dull after time and monotony hits your relationship. I don't want to sound bitter but does anyone else feel this way?
When will our society stop feeling the need to pressure us to fulfill all these "normal" standards and expectations? It's pretty hard to find any meaning on anything right now. All of a sudden we become nothing but the number of our age. We start felling the stress of that number.
8 people like this
9 responses
@Hannihar (130218)
• Israel
21 Jan 20
@EleonorRigby
Congrats to you. I hope you are ok with ending the relationship with the person you have known for a very long time. Everyone has to do what is best for them. You are right society expects us to be a certain way and do certain things. For women that is to get married and have a family. Not everyone wants that.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130218)
• Israel
22 Jan 20
@EleonorRigby
You know what you want and that is good. Not everyone does. I wanted to have children but the only time I got pregnant I had a miscarriage and the person I was married to was not the right one to have children with and after our divorce, I really did not meet anyone I wanted children with so had animals instead.
1 person likes this
@EleonorRigby (96)
• Mexico
26 Jan 20
@Hannihar So sorry to hear that. I've only had one pregnancy and it also ended up in a miscarriage. I can understand you perfectly. After living something like that, many fears and negative thoughts came into my head. And my ex and I started growing apart after that. I felt sad as well cause it did excite me to become a mother.
1 person likes this
@EleonorRigby (96)
• Mexico
22 Jan 20
Some don't want it from the get go and others like me just get tired of waiting or trying to live up to these expectations. I do love children. I have nephews and nieces that I love as my own but as I've been getting older, I feel that motherhood is not what I want anymore.
1 person likes this
@sprite1950 (30452)
• Corsham, England
21 Jan 20
I can really identify with what you are saying apart from the fact I am twice your age.and really feel that I have wasted so much of it being in a relationship which is stale. You have plenty of time to change yours but do what you want and not what others expect of you.
1 person likes this
@EleonorRigby (96)
• Mexico
21 Jan 20
All these things sometimes do hit me and I start feeling like my life will only keep going down hill from here. Some of these things have just made me feel old all of a sudden. It's not only the fact that the relationship becomes stale. It's finding that the little things you had in common are no longer there. That things grew apart badly. It's weird because I do love that person.
2 people like this
@EleonorRigby (96)
• Mexico
21 Jan 20
@kepweng Very true. The only thing that never changes is that change is constant.
@sprite1950 (30452)
• Corsham, England
21 Jan 20
@EleonorRigby I do understand as I have been with my partner 17 years and I think the world of him but sometimes I can't think of anything we have in common. We are poles apart now.
@Archie0 (5652)
•
21 Jan 20
Your story is so similar to one of my friend. Infact we are best friends but in two different country’s.
She is going the exact same phase in her life. It’s like a mirror. I can very well understand you because I listen to her everyday. We share so much together. I hope your life falls together dear.
1 person likes this
@EleonorRigby (96)
• Mexico
22 Jan 20
Thank you! Hope that friend of yours finds her way :D
1 person likes this
@EleonorRigby (96)
• Mexico
21 Jan 20
@AkoPinay have to say I love my freedom as well.
1 person likes this
@resukill22 (25050)
• Las Pinas City, Philippines
21 Jan 20
Hope you find your man soon and have a baby,
1 person likes this
@resukill22 (25050)
• Las Pinas City, Philippines
21 Jan 20
@EleonorRigby oh sorry.
1 person likes this
@EleonorRigby (96)
• Mexico
21 Jan 20
Thank you but at this point I don't think I want a new man or a baby.
1 person likes this
@EleonorRigby (96)
• Mexico
22 Jan 20
@resukill22 It's ok. I guess I got tired of waiting for the "right" time. For now on I will just let life flow. Maybe in a near future things can change for me.
1 person likes this
@ExplorewtMe (6332)
• Nairobi, Kenya
21 Jan 20
The s is not at all late. You can start a family.
1 person likes this
@EleonorRigby (96)
• Mexico
22 Jan 20
It might not be too late but now I really feel I don't want to have a family of my own. Now I just feel the pressure of my family on that topic.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8767)
• United Kingdom
22 Jan 20
I was in a similar position at your age (which wasn't that long ago by the way). I'd moved away from a bad relationship and I wasn't anywhere near doing or being any of the things I'd planned. It was largely down to a lack of confidence. I did have children, though.
I made the decision then to live for me, to do the things I wanted to do. I'd spent a lot of time doing things because I thought it was what was expected or because I was thinking what was best for someone else.
Age is just a number. If you are able then do what makes you happy.
1 person likes this
@EleonorRigby (96)
• Mexico
26 Jan 20
I can understand what you mean. It's hard for someone not to lose themselves without children but when you have them it's even harder. I hope I can follow your example.
@marguicha (223107)
• Chile
21 Jan 20
Where do you live? Do you have a fulfilling job? I decided a long time ago to prefer what I think of myself to what society wanted. And surrounded myself with people who thought like myself. I have now good friends.
1 person likes this
@EleonorRigby (96)
• Mexico
21 Jan 20
I live in Mexico. It's not so easy to find people who think like myself or to have a fulfilling job. I have few friends and most of them are married with children. They are good people but definitely have a different mindset about this topic.
@EleonorRigby (96)
• Mexico
26 Jan 20
Thank you. I try to live life my way. I really want to enjoy while I'm alive.
