I don't exist

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This who know me may well think that the title of this talk is spot on, it's so long since I have been here that whilst rumours of my demise may be a tad exaggerated, there's no doubt that I've been as rare as teeth on a hen recently. Anyway, the other day I had need of my Birth Certificate for some financial papers. I hunted high and low and could not find the certificate. Fortunately it is possible to order one here online, in exchange for some cash of course. I duly filled out the form, surrendered my bank account details and waited for the precious documents to arrive. I waited and waited, and then waited some more. Eventually, after almost a month, I received a letter informing me that there is no record of my birth held! Now, I know that I exist and as I have a bank account, served my time working for the Government service, have a passport, driving licence, etc, I rather think that somebody somewhere must have a record of me. Every day I read about people in the UK being denied citizenship and wonder, despite my obvious existence and 60 years of residence in the UK 'from birth', there is a niggle that perhaps my time is run and that soon the police will arrive to deport me, it's just to where that troubles me; somewhere warm, but not too hot, cool but not too cold. In fact, I ratther like where I am, hope that they let me stay.