Dad's on hospice now

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Well MyLot, you are among the first that I'm telling. My dad is now in hospice. He is not eating or drinking much, and is very weak, and confused. I know that those of you who have been following my posts know that my relationship with my dad is fairly strained. This is the man that, among other things - made me feel like I was an inconvenience as a child. I don't remember him playing with me much. My role as a child was to sit down, and shut up. I remember terrifying arguments between my parents littering my entire childhood. Seeing my mom cringe in fear with tears in her eyes is something I've seen entirely too often. At age 6, after witnessing such an argument I declared that I never wanted to be married . And look at me now. I managed to avoid it. This is the man who used to ruin so many birthdays, holidays and special occasions - because he wasn't the center of attention and that was a trigger for him to get nasty. Start an argument. Call names. Ruin your day, and when you would be all upset and crying - then he would laugh and probably tell you that you were being too sensitive. But, this is also the man who wanted me to have the best of evrything , too. If I will talk about the bad , then I should talk about the good, too. This is the man, who, when I asked for money to borrow a cheap guitar, bought me an upper range guitar without wanting to be paid back. This is the man, who, knowing I was upset when my second vehicle broke down - went out the same afternoon and bought me another (used but new to me car) - to replace it. If I made mention that I wanted something, soon, I would have it. I would probably have 2, in fact. I tried to not abuse this fact. But then he would use it to say I could never stand up to him. If he hurt my feelings - I didn't have a right to hurt feelings because he had bought XYZ for me. He was a very confused individual with a lot of mental health issues that all got the best of him. Through the years his behaviors stumped a lot of mental health professionals and those few people close to him as well. He was diagnosed with Depression, Schizophrenia, PTSD, OCD, Anti-Social Personality Disorder, and was thought to have Dissociate Identity Disorder as well. (Previously known as multiple personalities) Some wondred if he was possesed. But he was my dad - and now all he can say to me on the phone is hi, maybe anothr one or two words and that he loves me which he is very animated about. I don't know how to feel. Im sad, but I don't forget the other stuff too. I do love him, but I don't love how he used to act