Goodbye dad

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Hi Mylot, With regret I announce that my dad passed away on April 5th 2020. I know I filled you guys in on his actions and behaviors and it is true. He was a tortured individual who unfortunately was not interested in trying to get help for his issues, and in turn often tortured my mom and I with bizarre behaviors, and a cruel temper. But there was also the other side of him - kind, generous to a fault, and wanting the best for us. It was always confusing trying to reconcile the two. I find myself , now, wanting to know what part of him was mental ill, what part of him was possibly possessed, and what part of him was just him. Even to know what exactly all mental illnesses he had would be interesting to know, but I can no longer get answers to any of these things. He actually did stump some of this areas top psychiatrists. So, I guess not to try and figure it out because there is no figuring it out. It also shocked me how quickly it all went. Mom and I saw him on March 8th. He had just been moved to memory care and I was relieved that finally people saw how ill he really was. (After at least a dozen times at the ER of them telling us that he was "just fine") On March 8th he was confused. Anxious. But I wasn't too worried - I had seen him so many times so much worse off. He did start in a bit on us. (take me home, etc) and it always worried me, because literally dozens of times he'd start that at the hospital and they'd send him home when he was clearly unwell and then it would be an awful situation to deal with at home for mom and I. We left. I didn't realize it would be the last time I saw him while he was cognoscente. Shortly thereafter the home banned all visits due to the pandemic. But we would still speak on the phone. The last time I talked to him and had a back and forth conversation on the phone was March 24th. He was confused. Not able to answer questions usually. It was a nice conversation, I made him laugh a little, even. And he told me he loved me. Well March 30th his nurse called us to tell us hospice had been brought in and h was nearing his end of life. I was shocked. I had seen this man live through so much. On April 2nd the nurse called to say that visiting was appropriate and would be allowed. He was not conscious most of the time when we were there. But we talked to him, said what we felt was needed, and I played some of his favorite songs for him. He did awake once, recognized us, said hi and told us he loved us before slipping back to sleep. It was the most beautiful, and horrible all at once. I'm eternally grateful for that. We did not go back to visit him again, though we did call and have the nurses put the phone by his ear. I read a favorite Bible passage to him. He passed away April 5th 2020. of Dementia. I didn't know memory loss could kill a person. I guess it does. It might have been sporting to have a dementia diagnosis earlier. We had a small graveside service at his burial on April 8th. 28 years, to the day - from his parent's funeral. It was only mom, myself and the undertaker and his associate. I know there's a pandemic going on, but this is how dad wanted it and I really don't know who would have come, anyway. He drove people away. It's just true. The place is a little over 2 hours away and mom and I decided to stop at Redwood Falls, a most beautiful town with an excellent park that holds many memories for us. I'm still shocked, having a hard time realizing he's gone, but I guess thats how it is. I'm sad, but I'm reassured that he is no longer in physical or mental pain. I may not understand all of his actions and behaviors through the years but I do know that in his own, at times extremely strange - way he loved us as best as he could. Goodbye dad, I love you, rest at ease. Link to obituary