My Best Friends F and B

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I can't help but feel somewhat jealous that a lot of people have their best friends alive and kicking. I tend to live in the past a lot. Here's why... When I was 8 years old, my parents decided that we would move in with my grandmother. I had to transfer to a different elementary school. I was super shy, and didn't know anyone. One day, I was outside for recess, and a tiny Chinese girl ran up to me and said "Do you see that Chinese boy over there? Run up to him and kick him in the balls for me.". I declined. I continued being the shy girl that I was. Fast forward, 2 years later. I started hanging out with the Chinese boy that I was supposed to "kick in the balls". We became best friends. Inseparable even. I confided in him with everything! Boy problems, family problems, etc. I loved him so much. B had an identity problem. I used to call him a chameleon because one day, he'd show up looking like a gothic person, and next day, he'd look like a skater. Lol! Fast forward to our teenage years. In high school, we were still as close as ever. We partied together a lot. Our Adult years were the same, plus a lot of eating at restaurants. But, he found himself. He knew who he was and what he wanted to be. He was such a great artist. He had been loyal to me for over 20 years. I cherished our friendship. In high school, he and I met an African boy. We were 14 years old. The African boy was new to Canada and barely spoke English. The first day that I hung out with him, we found out that our class had been canceled, so he asked me if I wanted to hang out and I said yes. We went for a walk. I was walking ahead of him. All of a sudden, I heard him say "Can you hold my cock?". My eyes widened, as I turned around to see him holding a can of coke. I laughed so hard. I knew that we'd be good friends. He made me laugh all the time, and was always there to make me smile. On top of that, I can't even count how many times he stood up for me. The three of us were inseparable. We went everywhere together, and they both always had my back. They were the best friends that anyone could ever ask for. My brothers, not by blood, but by loyalty. Unfortunately, something extremely horrific happened in the summer of 2018. The both of them had gone on a road trip with 2 other friends. I normally went with them, but for some strange reason... they didn't ask me to go with them this time (my dad thinks that they are my guardian angels). I woke up to a phone call from my one female best friend, "S", saying "I don't know if it's a joke or not. But.. F and B are gone.". I said "Yeah I know. They're in Alberta.". She then said, "No... I mean.. they're dead.". I felt my world come to a halt. I told her that I would call her back. I texted the mother of F's kids. She responded with "I'm so sorry that you have to find out this way. But yes... they're both gone.....". My heart felt like it dropped into my stomach. My best friends of 20 years and 14 years... gone... just like that. Why?! My life has definitely been a lot different since they left. They used to show up at my house unannounced and make me get ready for a night out with them. If I wasn't home, they'd spend time with my family. They both were family to us. It has almost been 2 years since they've been gone, and I still have my moments of breaking down. A few months ago, I ran into an old friend. The first thing he said to me was "Hey! Where's your best friend?!" And I replied "Who? S? Probably at home. Why?" And he said "No no. B! You're always with him! I'm surprised to see you without him!". Oh my... I hate being the one to break the news to people. But I said "B passed away... last year. You didn't know?" And he said "Oh my God. I'm so sorry! I had no idea! I was wondering why he wasn't posting anything on social media. I'm so sorry!". I ended up having a little breakdown that day. F's older brother hugged me the last time that I saw him, and said to me "You're like family to us. I remember coming home and you'd be sleeping on the couch because you and F had been drinking. You guys were so close. It's not the same anymore.. and I'm sorry for that." F and B were 2 of the men in my life that smartened me up. They always told me that I was better than I thought I was. They encouraged me to be the best version of myself. And I will miss them every day of my life. May their souls rest in Paradise.