BREAKING NEWS: Billy Idol to Undergo Sensitivity Training

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(Sad to have to put in this disclaimer, but this is sarcasm) British punk rocker Billy Idol has been ordered by the PUS (PCPolice of the United States) to undergo Sensitivity Heightening Intensity Therapy (S.H.I.T.) after it was determined that his music is offensive. The 64-year-old singer, who began his career in the band Generation X, has been deemed to be a racist by the PUS coming out of America's politically-correct circles, thanks to his songs "White Wedding" and "Rebel Yell." Idol, whose birth name is William Michael Albert Broad, has also been ordered to change his last name, given that idols are offensive to Muslims. Someone with PUS was quoted as saying, "We'll give Billy New-Last-Name-To-Be-Determined all the S.H.I.T. we can. We're doing it to all Americans, so why not him?" Jerry Firewall Jr. objected initially, then noticed that one of Idol's hits was titled "Dancing With Myself," at which point he agreed with the liberals he's normally at odds with. "If he's singing about masturbation," the minister said, "then he needs to get some S.H.I.T." A spokesman for the Mayonnaise Clinic in Cleveland said they also agreed, citing Idol's ballad "Eyes Without a Face" is offensive to the 40 or so people who've received face transplants. This one hasn't offended anyone....yet.....