What Does Ted Want Now? (ML Exclusive #225)

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I'm pretty sure that my friend Ted wants something. That's Ted Turner. Don't confuse him with my friend Ted Williams. He was a baseball player and that's getting off-topic. Kind of. Maybe. I'll explain the baseball connection in a minute but first, let tell you what's been going on in the last few days. Just in case you haven't noticed. In a very short span of time, TCM has shown at least one Andy Hardy movie, several beach party films, my favorite Elvis movie (Viva Las Vegas) and just tonight, A Hard Day's Night AND Don't Look Back. So, Ted wants a favor. What else could it be? You lawyers out there are going to call it meaningless circumstantial evidence and pure coincidence and my friend Joe (Joe Wapner, he's a professional judge, don't confuse him with my friend Joe Biden, he's a politician that you might have heard of or my friend Joe Besser, he's a Stooge---Though it is understandable if you get the three of them mixed up since lawyers, politicians and Stooges oftentimes seem indistinguishable, just don't do to tonight) already told me that if it were before him, he'd dismiss the case for some nonsensical legal reason that sounds good in Latin but holds no water. Besides that, you're a Juror! No old guy wearing a dress is going to tell you what to consider and not consider! You do what you want! And what you want right now is for me to tell you the rest of the story. The part that takes place in 1976. Back then, Ted didn't have TCM but he did have WTCG (Which would later be renamed TBS), so that's what he used. For a couple of glorious weeks, there were way more episodes of The Twilight Zone, Get Smart, Gidget, The Jack Benny Program and Laugh-In than usual along with a scattering of great movies like Bedtime For Bonzo (Ronnie was a lousy President but a great actor. And I think that Bonzo would have made a fair President. They could have at least let him be Governor Of California) and I naively thought that my good taste was finally rubbing off on Ted. That dream was bigly shattered when Ted called me, during a commercial break. I told him to make it fast because I didn't want to miss the Joke Wall. He said, "I knew you'd like the new lineup but don't bother thanking me." He then asked me if I remembered the (alleged) $10 I owed him. But he didn't stop there. He explained that he was buying the Braves (You thought I was going to forget the baseball connection, didn't you??? O, ye of little faith) for $10 million and so far, he had pulled $9,999,925 together and he was counting on me for the other $75. I don't know why he thought I'd be able to come up with that much money but his instincts were good. All that good TV put me in a great mood and somehow I managed to do it. I even let him believe that I really owed him $10 of it. But could I do it a second time? I'm afraid to answer the phone now. He showed all the Frankie & Annette Beach Party pictures, for God's sake! And a bunch of the non-Frankie & Annette ones! He probably wants $100 this time! I know what you're thinking right now, "What can I do to help?" And you're wondering if sending money is the right thing to do. The answer is yes. It will help. A few hundred or a few thousand. Whatever you can spare will be greatly appreciated. Please make all checks out to Cash. My accountant says it just makes things easier. But even more than that, if you happen to see Ted, tell him I'm broke. Even after your generous donation. That will help the most. Thanks.