My husband's daughter was in an accident and ex didn't tell him but her ex did

@sissy15 (12303)
United States
July 16, 2020 11:56am CST
We got some bad news early this morning to top it off my husband got to find out about it on his 40th birthday despite it happening the night before. Right now he's still processing it all. His daughter was in a bad car accident and he doesn't know much. His daughter hates him something he understands but he still loves her. He also knows he wasn't there in part because her mother made it near impossible for him to be and he didn't exactly fight her on it because he figured with his mental health issues at the time she was probably right and their daughter was probably better off. I've spent a lot of time trying to not making accusations against her mother because my husband is to blame for not seeing his daughter too and he owns it. He knows he could have tried harder but at the time he really did think his kids were better off. That never stopped him from loving them though. What really bothers my husband most is it wasn't his ex that told him it was her soon to be ex-husband. He gets that he wasn't there but he at least had the right to know that their daughter was in a bad accident and from her. We are super grateful to her ex for bothering to tell him. My husband pays his support and he has tried to reach out numerous times but never pressed the issue. I know for a fact that his ex lied in their divorce papers because I read them online. She lied about how much she made to make my husband have to pay for the divorce and if she lied about that I know she probably lied about a lot of other things too. She said she only made like 200 a month working part time at Wendy's. Even back then at part time she would have made more than that. I also saw her lie about other things online that I knew to be untrue so I don't doubt she also lied about my husband. She wanted her soon to be ex to raise those kids so she removed my husband from the picture. Her soon to be ex seems to be a good man and was a good father to them which is all my husband really wanted but I hate how she did it. I have tried so hard not to make speculations but this really gets to me. I get she's probably worried about her daughter but she's at the hospital there's literally not much to do while waiting she could have sent him a message. She doesn't monitor her the way she should. My husband's daughter has all kinds of weird old men on her fb page that constantly comment on her pictures and then was going on about wanting to get pregnant. I feel like she lets her do whatever she wants because it's easier than being a parent. I also saw old posts with my husband's older son where all she really did was make fun of him. I get she loves them and was teasing him but she was constantly publicly humiliating him as she spoke more fondly about the younger kids. I felt for him. I get we all parent differently and she was there when my husband wasn't but part of that was because she wanted it that way. Again not all. My husband owns his part in it. He's just super angry right now because his daughter is in the hospital and he has no clue how she's doing. She was in a rollover accident with two other teen girls none of them were wearing seatbelts. His daughter was the only one not ejected from the car. My guess is she was in the back. The driver was life-flighted and the other two were taken via the ambulance I think to the hospital. The one life-flighted is so far doing better than the other girl transported to the hospital. My husband's daughter is doing the best of the three. From what we know she may have a bruised heart and she was complaining of back pain but we literally know nothing about her prognosis or what else may be wrong. There isn't much left of the car they were in. What more I know about the accident itself I had to find via a local paper. The driver lost control but they don't know why. We don't know if speed or drugs or alcohol were factors. My husband's daughter wants nothing to do with my husband and that's her choice but he has a right to know about her wellbeing at least. She'll hunt him down if for some reason she doesn't get a child support payment but can't be bothered to tell him that their daughter was in a crash. FYI we have no control over when she gets support payments since it's automatically taken out of his checks. We literally don't know anything about why they would be delayed. I have been nothing but nice up until this point despite the fact that she wouldn't bother telling me anything about the kids but would message me asking me about support. My husband would have helped more had he been allowed to be there but she made that first decision to keep him out of their lives and while he made the ones after that she laid the groundwork for it. All she had to do is tell him what is going on but didn't seem to think he deserved to know. I have always maintained it was my husband's decision to stay away due to his mental health at the time and that is true but she first moved without telling him where and then made it so he'd have to jump hurdles to see them. Maybe she was in the right at the time I honestly don't know but she could have at least sent him the occasional update about how they were doing. That's all he wanted. He just wanted to know they were healthy and happy.
2 people like this
2 responses
• United States
16 Jul 20
Some people are like that. Would rather the other parent not know anything about their child. I never have understood that. I always tried to remain friends with my children's father after we split up. I encouraged him to visit even when I didn't want him around. He was sporadic with visits and often went months without even calling them. He lived close by too. Eventually he started seeing them. I was happy he did. I hope that your husband's daughter heals quickly and does not suffer long term from her injuries.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jul 20
@sissy15 hopefully, one day, he will be able to have a relationship with his daughter. Sad that she didn't encourage it. Yes, I understand him having some issues back then would keep her from wanting the kids to interact with him. However, people can and do change.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12303)
• United States
18 Jul 20
@ElusiveButterfly I can somewhat get it but he was never abusive to them despite her lies that he was neglectful to their son. I honestly can't picture him ever doing the stuff she claimed he did in the divorce papers she at least said he was never abusive but then turned around and said he didn't watch their son and my husband has always been protective of kids and watches them. He was livid when he read them. I saw several things I know for a fact she lied about so I don't doubt she lied about that too. She seems to lie to either make herself look good or to get what she wants and then claims to be a Christian. I don't get people like her. If she didn't trust him with them she could have at least made it easier for him to have supervised visitations until he got everything under control. She could have helped him more than she did. If she encouraged him to get help or to get his stuff together to be around the kids he could have been different and gotten his life together sooner. I'm not the perfect wife or person but I helped him get his diploma, I helped him learn how to be a father, I encouraged him to speak to his family, I have stuck up for him to his mother, I helped him get his credit score up, I mean I actually put effort in. It's not easy and it's super hard and I know I'm not the perfect person to live with but when you love someone you want them to do better and you do your best to encourage them to do better. I got a better man because I saw what no one else saw and encouraged him to get his life together. He's still a work in progress as am I but instead of taking from each other, we give. He helps me and I help him and that's the way marriage should be. She seems to want to quit when it gets hard and instead of encouraging him she took what she could. She could have helped him so much more than she did but she didn't want to. When you have kids with someone you need to encourage a relationship with them and help them bond. Some people have a more difficult time than others and my husband was one of them but he loves his kids and he's especially close to our son now but it took time.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jul 20
@sissy15 that is what a couple should do is support one another. Kudos to you for seeing the good in him. Some just give up and go off in search of the perfect person.
@JudyEv (342145)
• Rockingham, Australia
17 Jul 20
I'm very sorry to hear this. I hope the girl recovers quickly.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12303)
• United States
17 Jul 20
Thank you we have gotten an update from the soon to be ex husband and his daughter is doing really well and should be released from the hospital tomorrow barring any complications.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (342145)
• Rockingham, Australia
17 Jul 20
@sissy15 At least that is good news.