A bit of an off day
By Sissy15
@sissy15 (12304)
United States
September 28, 2020 12:55am CST
Today was sort of an off day. My husband and I were sort of on the outs at first. We were both hangry and tired and snappy. We couldn't decide what was for dinner which caused frustration since neither of us had eaten. We eventually settled on pork chops. Then at dinner, my son did something he hasn't done in a long time threw a two-year-old tantrum. My son has some issues that do make him act like that from time to time but it was over something so little. He has been so mature lately that this kind of came out of left field.
We were eating dinner and a gnat landed on his rice (my son left a banana for too long and we found it too late so now we get to deal with these royal pains) and so my husband told him to just finish eating the pork chop breading and he'd get him new rice. My son yelled "NO!" when we told him he isn't to speak to us that way and mind you we didn't yell at him just had a stern voice and he screamed and ran out of the room. He's almost ten so not exactly an appropriate reaction but once again I need to reaffirm he has other issues which is part of why he can act like this at times. The last one he had like this had to have been a year ago. He used to have frequent meltdowns but they have gotten better as he's gotten older.
My husband got him new rice on a new plate and told him he had two options he could either sit down and eat or go to bed because we were done with the behavior. Yes, he has issues but no that doesn't mean he can't be directed in correct behavior it gives us an understanding and helps us keep our calm but doesn't mean we dismiss it either. His whole issue was that he didn't like eating the breading which is fine but all he had to do is use his words to say that instead of being defiant and rude. Normally he's such a sweet kid and super polite and for him to act like this really took us off guard. He can be over-emotional but he's usually not rude or defiant in fact he's typically the exact opposite so it took us off guard. He did eventually apologize and sit and quietly eat. He is such a great kid who has made a ton of progress but I think I sometimes forget that just because he has gotten better with a lot of things that doesn't mean he isn't going to have his days. I'm super proud of how my husband handled it. He didn't yell at him like he might normally be tempted to do but told him it's not acceptable to act that way. My son was better after about fifteen minutes and back to his sweet loving caring self.
My son has issues regulating his emotions but he can he just has to work at it harder than some kids. He can be so mature and responsible but sometimes he has bad days like today. I'll talk with him about it tomorrow and we'll work on it like we always do. Teaching kids the proper way to handle situations and deal with emotions is important but you have to have an understanding that all kids have days. He has issues other kids don't and I have to remember that sometimes when dealing with him.
5 people like this
6 responses
@m_audrey6788 (58472)
• Germany
28 Sep 20
You`re such a nice Mom. Wish all the best for you and your family. Have a great day 
2 people like this
@piyushbhatia1 (11695)
• India
28 Sep 20
Of much time does the son spend on tv and phone
2 people like this
@sissy15 (12304)
• United States
28 Sep 20
@piyushbhatia1 Half an hour of screen time minus the four hours a day he is on it for school Monday through Friday while he does classes. I don't let him stare at a screen all day. I used to let him have a lot of screen time but he was glued to it and I couldn't get him to want to do anything else so I took it away and I narrowed down what he could do. I want my kid to be a kid and use his imagination. I also know that his tantrums got less when I took it away which I thought helped a lot but again today was out of the ordinary for him lately. A couple of years ago this would have been normal behavior. It's not anymore.
1 person likes this
@Gibbs6 (82)
• Nairobi, Kenya
28 Sep 20
Sometimes kids act like that, especially around their parents. Most people (not only kids) have problems processing emotions. Also, treating him like other kids is the best way to go. You give him special treatment and he will grow up believing that he deserves to be treated that way. Just give a normal childhood and with time he will be a man and everything else will be like a bad dream.
Ps: What do you mean when you say that he has issues other kids don't?
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12304)
• United States
28 Sep 20
That's true but my son has something called sensory processing disorder on top of anxiety and they want me to have him diagnosed with ADHD which I refuse to do because I don't want him on medication. He manages fine so I don't see the point in it. He has issues with a lot of sensory stuff which can overwhelm him things like too much noise, textures, occasionally touch. When he gets overwhelmed that's typically when he'll have a tantrum but today there was really no reason for it but I think he also has issues with processing emotions and what's normal emotion. He cries over things that aren't normal to cry over. He once acted like someone was dying over seeing a spider. I mean it's normal to be scared it's not normal to act like every fear is the worst thing in your life. I've worked with him a lot over the years and it has gotten so much better. He is more emotional, he is more difficult at times, but he's perfectly capable of learning but I have to know when to push something and when not to. If I would have just used his diagnosis as an excuse and let him act a certain way and let it go he'd never learn anything or get better. What I do is I acknowledge what he is and isn't capable of. For instance, he isn't capable of handling a loud room without headphones so I take those or remove him from a situation because I can't force things like that on him. I can make him try a new food but I can't expect him to eat all of it because the textures make him gag or throw up.
I can accept that there are certain things he can or can't do but I also have to work around them. I can't make things instantly better but I can work on making them better. I can't just let him think he can throw tantrums over something that can be communicated in other ways and it's ok because that's not how the world works. It would be different if he was incapable of learning another way but he's not incapable. I just have to explain things to him and teach him. I sometimes do lose my patience with him because it's incredibly frustrating but I try every day to make sure he knows that he is capable and I'm proud of him and how much effort he puts in. I want him to know that he is entitled to his feelings but he's not entitled to act like a brat whenever something doesn't go his way. If he is having a problem he needs to talk about it and he is capable of that but I also have to understand that this will happen sometimes and be prepared to talk with him without yelling and without belittling him. It's a tough line I walk but I walk it the best way I know how. Tonight he learned that if he is going to cry over something he can communicate with words he can separate himself from the situation or he can calm down and eat dinner with us. We gave him the choice of finishing dinner or going to bed. No one yelled, we were stern though. Anyway, that's what I meant by he deals with things a lot of other kids don't. He has certain disorders that make his life harder than others but he's not incapable of learning how to deal with things.
2 people like this
