Joke-CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

heheheheh...thats a nice one, mate.

hiya brenda, noice one mate! Got a chuckle out of me!

lolz....

ts very funny

nice one...... here is one from me....... hope you all like it......... The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, ''I'm off. The man should be here soon."Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ''Good morning, madam. You don't know me but I've come to....'' ''Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,'' Mrs. Smith cut in. ''Really?'' the photographer asked. ''Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies.'' ''That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?'' asked Mrs. Smith, blushing. ''Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out.'' ''Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me.'' ''Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'' ''I hope we can get this over with quickly,'' gasped Mrs. Smith. ''Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure.'' ''Don't I know!'' Mrs. Smith exclaimed. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. ''This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London.'' ''Oh my god!!'', Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. ''And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'' The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture. ''She was difficult?'' asked Mrs. Smith. ''Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look.'' ''Four and five deep?'' asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement. ''Yes,'' the photographer said. ''And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in.'' Mrs. Smith leaned forward. ''You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment?'' ''That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work.'' ''Tripod??'', Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now. ''Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!''

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language? Let's face it English is a stupid language. There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England French fries were not invented in France. We sometimes take English for granted But if we examine its paradoxes we find that Quicksand takes you down slowly Boxing rings are square And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. If writers write, how come fingers don't fing. If the plural of tooth is teeth Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth If the teacher taught, Why didn't the preacher praught. If a vegetarian eats vegetables What the heck does a humanitarian eat!? Why do people recite at a play Yet play at a recital? Park on driveways and Drive on parkways English was invented by people, not computers And it reflects the creativity of the human race (Which of course isn't a race at all) That is why When the stars are out they are visible But when the lights are out they are invisible And why it is that when I wind up my watch It starts But when I wind up this observation, It ends.

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A: A visitor

LOL these are all great jokes.. I love them They are funny.. Keep posting them..Great job.. :)

sorry, didn't like it, and looking at all those posts of people who have enjoyed it, i must be a bit quaint or odd!

yes, i've heard this one before

thats a nice one

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" Just a sec," says the rep. Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up. ****************************** EMPLOYMENT.. Our Sardarji was filling up an application form for a job.He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes ****************************** A Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The Sardarji then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Sardarji says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His Sardarji boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sardarji replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke." ****************************** What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ? He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?" "Sure." "Give me a green one, please." ***************************** Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" Just a sec," says the rep. Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up. ****************************** EMPLOYMENT.. Our Sardarji was filling up an application form for a job.He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes ****************************** A Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The Sardarji then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Sardarji says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His Sardarji boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sardarji replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke." ****************************** What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ? He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?" "Sure." "Give me a green one, please." ***************************** Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" Just a sec," says the rep. Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up. ****************************** EMPLOYMENT.. Our Sardarji was filling up an application form for a job.He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes ****************************** A Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The Sardarji then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Sardarji says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His Sardarji boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sardarji replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke." ****************************** What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ? He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes GAMBLER Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed. "What happened ?" asked Surjit. "Yaar, I lost Rs. 1000 in a bet yesterday." "How come ?" "Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV. I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet." "But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?" "Yaar, I bet on the highlights too "

If one is not understanding in marriage and does things out of spite there will always be fireworks.

Nice Joke. I got one which I would like to share. A lawyer who was confused in his maths asked his secretary: If I give you $3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off? After a short pause, the secretary retorted: Everything Sir! Dress, Bra and Panties.

Hmm... And I hope he did not get shot when she got home. I have never heard this one before, but Thanks for sharing. This is Great. :)

lol that was perfect, i am still laughing, thanks and keep them coming.

hahaha that was funny. Great joke.