Emotional connection/my husband is my person
By Sissy15
@sissy15 (12303)
United States
October 11, 2020 5:38am CST
One of the things about my relationship with my husband is that I've noticed when he's in a bad mood I instantly pick up on it and I'm sure this is fairly common in most serious relationships and marriages. My husband and I have never handled stress well. It tends to make us argue. The thing is as much as we yell and argue with one another we are still best friends and no matter how difficult life is we are each other's person. The person we go to when things are tough and when you're fighting with that person it makes life a little more difficult.
My husband and I argue but we eventually talk it out and make it better. I read that arguing is a sign of a strong relationship because you feel like you can argue and know the other person won't walk away. We get mad and occasionally might say or do things we don't mean but we know ultimately that we love each other and have learned to forgive each other.
My husband is usually the first one to bridge the gap because I stay mad longer. I am way less quick to anger but when I am angry I stay that way for a while. Something I realized after our last argument is that as angry as we can make each other or that we can get with one another we are also the only people who are able to calm the other down. No matter how crappy the day is or how angry we are we need the other person to be able to calm down. I don't know what it is but that's just something we have always relied on each other for. Our son does an amazing job of making us feel better but he's a kid and doesn't understand adult issues. We need each other to bring peace. It's one of the things that keep our relationship moving forward.
No matter how angry we are at each other we have always been able to resolve our issues. I've noticed those around us also notice the way we take care of each other emotionally. It's almost second nature. It's why my husband's mother almost always comes to me when my husband is mad at her. She thinks I'll be able to talk to him and I eventually do but I always tell her that he's entitled to his feelings and I won't take those from him. All I do is talk to him about how he's feeling and why and give him another perspective but I never tell him how to feel.
Emotions run high with us sometimes when we are stressed and we almost always argue over anything big going on but the thing is it's also short lived usually. We argue and we get over it and go back to being each other's best friend. Sometimes you find that one person you're connected to in a way you've never connected to anyone else and my husband is that person. He is my person. The one person I know I can rely on above anyone else. He is the one person who really knows me. He knows all of my different moods and personalities. He is the only person I've ever allowed to be this close to me. He is also the one person I know I can argue with and cry with and know eventually everything will be alright because despite it all we love each other and we can't imagine life without each other.
10 people like this
9 responses
@ramapo17 (30441)
• Melbourne, Florida
11 Oct 20
That sounds like you both have a great connection in good times and bad. That is good. My husband are both very stubborn. He usually is the one that makes up after an argument. I have been very stubborn since a young child. My parents told me how bad I was as a young child and would just stand there and not say anything. I saw pictures of me looking very stubborn. I am still stubborn but not as bad as then. Now it is just my husband and myself so if I stay angry I won't have anyone to talk to. 
2 people like this
@sissy15 (12303)
• United States
12 Oct 20
My husband is usually the first to apologize too but to be fair more times than not he's also the one to start it because as I said he's quick to anger and he can snap when there's really no reason for it and I react and then we argue. Sometimes it is my fault that it started and I've had to work hard on apologizing when I know the issue is myself because I am also super stubborn. I am stubborn but I've learned that sometimes I need to own my actions and it's a work in progress.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
11 Oct 20
I sometimes have a problem with connecting with my spouse. Perhaps it is the age difference. Or perhaps I am a know it all. But, whatever the reason it makes it tough.
When our minds do connect it is usually after Little Miss goes to bed and we can have a civil conversation with one another. No bickering, no yelling, just talking.
2 people like this
@sissy15 (12303)
• United States
12 Oct 20
It could be the age difference. My husband is older than me but not by a ton. He's about seven years older not quite but close. It seems to be the perfect age gap for us. I like older guys but I didn't want them to be in a different stage of life than me because sometimes that can create conflict. My husband is the know it all in our relationship and it drives me nuts lol but we are always able to work past it. My husband and I seldom just talk through things usually there is some bickering and yelling but it never lasts long. Towards the beginning, arguments could last days to a week and now the longest is maybe a couple of hours. We've learned to try and not go to bed angry but even when we do no matter how angry he is at me he always kisses me goodbye before going to work and tells me he loves me. He said he never wants his last words to me to be ones of anger and you just never know what the day will bring.
My husband and I have always had a decent connection even when we had issues in the beginning. We've always evened each other out. We are just alike to get along but different enough to balance one another. He's old enough to have matured a bit before I got with him and young enough to still have a lot in common with me. I often forget there's even an age gap. I think we all just have different relationships with our spouses and it's not that one is right or wrong it's just different. My husband also happens to be my best friend and biggest supporter but I get it's not like that with everyone. I think love means different things for different people and it's the same way with relationships. What works for some may not work for others.
@sissy15 (12303)
• United States
16 Oct 20
@dfollin It's not always a walk in the park but it's worth it. My husband is a great man who does a lot for me. We are super close and if that means I have to put up with some things then it's worth it. He isn't as bad as some bipolar people I know. He's really learned to work on his issues and he is still a work in progress but we are getting there.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12303)
• United States
16 Oct 20
Oh we see it but my husband has a temper and can be hot headed so chances are things won't go without arguing. My husband is sensitive and not always easy to talk to about certain things. There are days he surprises me but he is mood dependent. He's bipolar so I do have issues with certain things. He's a great guy but keeping his cool isn't easy for him with certain things. He sometimes thinks I'm criticizing him when I'm not and blows things out of proportion. No one is perfect and this is something he has been working on for years and it's something he has slowly gotten better with but isn't there yet. This is another reason our fights haven't been as bad is because he is working on it but usually when they escalate he's the reason because he doesn't know how to talk without arguing.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (80784)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
13 Oct 20
My husband and I also spent very little time arguing and more time making up. After he passed on I often thought back what a waste of time we sometimes spent on arguing but you never think that things will turn around so quickly and suddenly it happens and you are at a loss,
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12303)
• United States
13 Oct 20
I don't know that arguing is a waste because it's how we work out our problems. There are arguments that are a waste when it's over something stupid but if you don't have discussions they bottle up. My husband and I are so different in a lot of ways which is why we often clash. He's quick to react and can be hot-headed and I'm more laid back and need a moment to process things. While it's our differences that make us clash it's those same differences that make our relationships stronger because we are able to give each other perspective. I know arguing seems like a waste but it's what happens when you're frustrated and knowing you can argue and still love each other is a pretty amazing thing. I know no matter how mad I am at him that eventually things will be ok. There are arguments I wish I could take back but there was probably a reason we had them. Each couple is different in how they handle things. Over the years our arguments seemed to have decreased and when we do have them they don't seem to last as long because we are starting to understand each other better. There have been so many times I've held my tongue in order to stop an argument but something I've learned is that constantly holding my tongue only makes matters worse because that means I am letting whatever it is I'm holding in eat away at me. We can't address problems if we don't discuss them. Arguing doesn't always mean yelling albeit sometimes in our case it does. Sometimes it just means debating and getting your feelings out which is something you need to do in order to move forward. There have been some pointless arguments we've had out of stress and yeah those were stupid but as a whole, arguing isn't always a waste.
1 person likes this
@iamsantoshpatnaik (217)
• Mumbai, India
11 Oct 20
I feel that in a relationship if there is no fight then there is no love, fight & love which make strong bond on relationship, relationship always be comfortable in mutual understanding.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12303)
• United States
11 Oct 20
I hear couples say they never argue and say they have a healthy relationship but no two people always get along and if they aren't arguing they aren't working through issues. Arguing doesn't necessarily mean yelling it can mean having differing opinions and figuring out how to deal with them through communication. My husband and I do yell but everyone does it differently. If you aren't expressing yourself and your opinions to the other person that means you are holding things in and that's not healthy. I don't believe someone when they claim they hold all of the same beliefs as their spouse. Sometimes it takes longer for people to argue but it almost always happens at least if they're in a healthy relationship.
