He is cheating???

@Cheyee (8344)

Pakanbaru, Indonesia

November 7, 2020 5:53pm CST

So few days ago, I met my sister. She told me she listened her husband did a phone call at 11 pm. But when my sister came, he just end it suddenly. My sister didn't ask. She went check in the morning and found that was a girl from his work. That girl is married. From all phone call and WhatsApp she knew, they met often (they don't really need meet. That woman works in office, and my sister's husband works on the field). Now my sister is confused, how to ask her husband about it. She knows her husband changed. Like keeping distance from her. My sister was sad, but she also hated confrontation. How if she was wrong? She told me she didn't mind if her husband has second wife, but that woman already married. Tell me what do you think?

19 people like this

23 responses

@kaylachan (71939)

• Daytona Beach, Florida

8 Nov 20

Beating around the bush and dragging out the conversation gets us nowhere. Being upfront about it, and presenting what you found, is usually the best way to go about it.

5 people like this

@DianneN (247184)

• United States

8 Nov 20

I agree!!!!!

3 people like this

@kaylachan (71939)

• Daytona Beach, Florida

8 Nov 20

@Cheyee That's why you confront the situation head-on face-to-face.

3 people like this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

8 Nov 20

They married for 17 years. My sister knows her husband sulking so easily. Never apologize even if he did something wrong. I don't really think just phone call is enough. He can say it because of work.

2 people like this

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@yoalldudes (35037)

• Philippines

7 Nov 20

Oh my cheating is the worst. It happened to me earlier. The same phone behavior and distancing. My hubby admitted it. I took him back because I love him and our family.

5 people like this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

8 Nov 20

I know how you feel, because I have the same experience.

4 people like this

@rsa101 (38166)

• Philippines

9 Nov 20

I think it will need a confrontation to know the truth. By the way he keeps on hiding that call just means that there is something going on with that call that he had to end it when your sister is there.

1 person likes this

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@rsa101 (38166)

• Philippines

9 Nov 20

@Cheyee She can use that calmness in confronting her husband maybe. Look for enough evidence first that her suspicions are correct then confront him calmly about it.

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

9 Nov 20

Yeah. But I don't think he knows if my sister suspects him. My sister looks so calm

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

9 Nov 20

@rsa101 she is calm. Her husband didn't know my sister suspects him.

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@rakski (126205)

• Philippines

8 Nov 20

I think it is better that they talk about this

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@rakski (126205)

• Philippines

8 Nov 20

@Cheyee just question it away! No need for other introductions

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

8 Nov 20

That's what I said, but she wasn't sure want to start this conversation

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

8 Nov 20

@rakski my sister makes my blood boil, you know. She is too soft. I do feel sad and bad for her, but I want to strangle her at the same time.

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@DianneN (247184)

• United States

8 Nov 20

If she and her husband have a good relationship, she should just come out and ask him. Either it's true or it isn't.

4 people like this

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@DianneN (247184)

• United States

8 Nov 20

@Cheyee She should keep her eye on him if she has concerns. Nice chatting with you again.

3 people like this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

8 Nov 20

I think the evidence still not enough. He can say we meet because of work?

2 people like this

@SHOHANA (16093)

• Bangladesh

8 Nov 20

Absolutely right, I agree with that. She should ask him as she have right to know as his wife

3 people like this

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@Hannihar (130213)

• Israel

8 Nov 20

@Cheyee Maybe she could follow him and be discreet and not confront him yet and then she will know if he is cheating or not. If she does not feel comfortable to follow him maybe she has someone that could.

1 person likes this

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@Hannihar (130213)

• Israel

9 Nov 20

@Cheyee Yes, I think that is something one can do discreetly. Follow him around and take pictures and then she will know for sure before she confronts him.

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

9 Nov 20

@Hannihar I don't know hanni, for me I would like to install some spy apps in his phone first. Because following around sounds too much (and exhausting)

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

9 Nov 20

Playing personal investigator?

1 person likes this

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@ARIES1973 (11426)

• Legaspi, Philippines

8 Nov 20

We may came from different cultures and upbringing but we know when something is not right. We have this woman instinct when our partners are doing something beyond our knowledge that might ruin the relationship. That is why I am ready just in case the same thing happens. If in doubt, ask. I personally won't stay with someone who don't love me anymore.

1 person likes this

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@ARIES1973 (11426)

• Legaspi, Philippines

8 Nov 20

@Cheyee That's true. Maybe I can say this because I haven't experienced it in my 25 years of marriage. My children are all grown up and we never discuss this issue at home. I hope their problem be settled in the soonest possible time.

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

8 Nov 20

Sometimes love is not everything. When you have kids you'll think about them first.

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

8 Nov 20

@ARIES1973 you are so lucky. Grown up kids take the divorce better than little kids. My sister's kid is still 7 years old.

@RebeccasFarm (90523)

• Arvada, Colorado

3 Dec 20

I would not put up with this.

1 person likes this

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@RebeccasFarm (90523)

• Arvada, Colorado

9 Dec 20

@Cheyee She is great

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

4 Dec 20

My sister is very calm about this.

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

10 Dec 20

@RebeccasFarm she is

1 person likes this

@jobelbojel (36048)

• Philippines

8 Nov 20

Searching one's phone is not good for me even if they are married. If they trust and respect each other, they should be open to one another.

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

9 Nov 20

She never do it before. There are a lot of 'should' in marriage. But if people do the 'should', there won't be failed marriage. People would be happy with their partner

@sol_cee (38219)

• Philippines

8 Nov 20

What do you mean by ‘she didn't mind if her husband has second wife’?

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@sol_cee (38219)

• Philippines

8 Nov 20

@Cheyee ahh he must be a Muslim then?

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

8 Nov 20

You read it right. That what she said.

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

8 Nov 20

@sol_cee yes you are right. But that woman is not.

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@Shiva49 (26785)

• Singapore

12 Nov 20

Better to have an open talk. How will he feel if your sister does the same to him? It is not a one way street in life - the more one compromises the more the other takes advantage of.

1 person likes this

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@Shiva49 (26785)

• Singapore

12 Nov 20

@Cheyee One thing to be friendly with colleagues but quite another to receive/make calls outside working hours. Ini tidak baik dari dia.

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

12 Nov 20

My sister talked today, and my brother in law got mad at her, saying she is delusional.

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

12 Nov 20

@Shiva49 yes, my sister told him : it wasn't emergency call, it was just casual talk. You could do it tomorrow, not almost in the middle of the night. She is a wife of someone,how if her husband got mad. And then he got angry. He said : my sister delusional, that woman wasn't even pretty, my sister was finding excuses to make a scene. Fyi : my brother in law is not hot temper, normally something like this never made him angry.

1 person likes this

@CarolDM (203422)

• Nashville, Tennessee

8 Nov 20

I hope it all gets worked out for the best.

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

9 Nov 20

Thank you so much Carol, I hope so

1 person likes this

@nawala123 (20871)

• Indonesia

9 Nov 20

install an app to stalk them

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

9 Nov 20

Any suggestion?

1 person likes this

@nawala123 (20871)

• Indonesia

10 Nov 20

@Cheyee follow him where he goes at spare time. check the WA too

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

10 Nov 20

@nawala123 my sister said it was too much. It was like she didn't want to do anything

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@piyushbhatia1 (11695)

• India

8 Nov 20

Delete and block that person in his phone without telling him

1 person likes this

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@piyushbhatia1 (11695)

• India

8 Nov 20

@Cheyee well. In the office they have to work

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

8 Nov 20

Block that person will be useless. They meet everyday.

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@prinzcy (32305)

• Malaysia

8 Nov 20

The best way is too communicate. Making assumptions might lead to something else if that's not really the case. Just talk! It's the best option! On the second note, I would absolutely mind if my husband has a second wife. He would definitely going to get it! Your sister is really awesome for tolerating that.

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

8 Nov 20

I agree. But knowing my brother in law, he won't admit it. And my sister doesn't have strong evidence. Opening this kind of conversation is hard. Me too. I would mind. My husband works for government, so basically his job is in my hands. I just need report it and he will be fired.

1 person likes this

Anne Marie Guyer

@LeaPea2417 (37384)

• Toccoa, Georgia

8 Nov 20

She needs to tell him to tell her the truth.

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

8 Nov 20

Confrontation right?

@Juliaacv (51506)

• Canada

8 Nov 20

She should not assume anything, simply have a conversation with her husband to find out the truth.

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

8 Nov 20

I don't think now she has strong evidence to open that conversation. But you known women's instincts

1 person likes this

@SHOHANA (16093)

• Bangladesh

8 Nov 20

Well trust is more important in a relationship so I think they both should trust each other and talk frankly to each other if they have any doubts or suspects.

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

8 Nov 20

My sister said, she is sad, but it's not like she can do anything. He is my husband if he is at home, but he is my children's dad if he is outside.

1 person likes this

@rina110383 (24492)

•

8 Nov 20

Though she hates confrontation, but the only way to know if he's cheating or not is to confront him. Tell him what she found out and ask him if he's cheating or not.

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

8 Nov 20

Absolutely agree with you. Maybe her husband would deny. But for me personally, confrontation is the best way (I experienced that)

1 person likes this

@freelancermariagrace (28690)

• Philippines

8 Nov 20

If I were your sister, I'd talk to the husband about it.

1 person likes this

@Cheyee (8344)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

8 Nov 20

Me too. But I will gather all evidence first.

1 person likes this