How do you stop feeling guilty about cutting off toxic family members?
By BrittneeD
@BrittneeD (350)
United States
November 15, 2020 10:53pm CST
I need some words of wisdom and possibly advice, so my mother and I have always had a rocky relationship, and now that I have a son, it has only gotten more complicated. My mother was previously watching my son some nights while my husband and I worked, but after multiple stories and being told by my son that my mother and her husband argued and fought in front of him, we decided he did not need to be in that environment, so she no longer watches him overnight. My mother has a past history of bi polar and anxiety issues, so I know what my son has told me is most likely the truth. Now she is constantly blaming me for her being unable to see him or watch him unsupervised. I am so torn I know I should not force my child to be with someone he doesn’t feel comfortable with being alone with but her mood swings have just become to much. The holidays are coming up and she has a history of ruining them. How do you deal with toxic family members? How do I stop feeling so guilty?
5 people like this
8 responses
@ckciasigurl (2081)
• Italy
16 Nov 20
hello im so sorry to hear this one maybe u can let her visit when you or your husband is there. i have a lot of toxic people in my family and i just stop talking to them because it's already to much.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130218)
• Israel
16 Nov 20
@BrittneeD
I cannot tell you what you should do in your situation. Every family is not the same. You need to listen to your son and not put him in situations where he has to be with your mother. She does not sound like a nice person. I would keep him away from her and I believe she need closure from her. Does your husband have parents that your son can enjoy them? If not then best for you and your husband and your son be a family and stay away from those that are not good to be around. It will take time and see that you and your family are better off without her.
1 person likes this
@piyushbhatia1 (11695)
• India
16 Nov 20
Children enjoy company of other children
1 person likes this
@iKONICNoona (4194)
• Philippines
16 Nov 20
Hi, I am reading your discussion and it is a very hard situation on both parties. Have you tried taking your mom to a specialist to help her deal with her condition? Understanding to the fullest is a must for your situation.
1 person likes this
@jdbces (1845)
• Philippines
16 Nov 20
What's more important now is the emotional health of your child because that would affect him as he grows. Ive once watch a video from a preacher that sometimes we should love a toxic person from afar. Sometimes, as much as we hope for someone to change, as much as we want to help them -- there really isnt much we could do.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12250)
• United States
16 Nov 20
Think of it as a need to social distance because of the virus! 
But jokes aside, I know it is hard to cut off ties with your mother. I know you don't want to make it seem like you are being ungrateful or cruel by not letting her have your son anymore. However, you are also a mother now, and your priority is your child. This may not be a permanent arrangement, anyway. Maybe someday your mother will be able to come to terms that this is what is best for your son, and when your son is older and knows more about the different family dynamics, he can have a relationship with your mother again.
This too shall pass, and we cannot really foresee the future. You can still communicate and visit with your mother. But as a mother yourself, you are only protecting him.
But jokes aside, I know it is hard to cut off ties with your mother. I know you don't want to make it seem like you are being ungrateful or cruel by not letting her have your son anymore. However, you are also a mother now, and your priority is your child. This may not be a permanent arrangement, anyway. Maybe someday your mother will be able to come to terms that this is what is best for your son, and when your son is older and knows more about the different family dynamics, he can have a relationship with your mother again.
This too shall pass, and we cannot really foresee the future. You can still communicate and visit with your mother. But as a mother yourself, you are only protecting him.
