It's Thanksgiving, 2020, Ya Beatniks (MyLot Exclusive #249)

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This started out as a weird wild Thanksgiving. It all began at about 5:30 this morning. I was hoping to sleep in until six because it's a holiday but no. I was awakened by a lot of strange loud noise coming from outside. When I went out to investigate, I found 10,000 people in my yard. Half dressed as Pilgrims and half as Native Americans. After a bit of inquiry, the leader of the group explained that they were War On Thanksgiving Reenactors and they would be much obliged if I would play the part of someone who wanted to take away Thanksgiving. I tried to explain that you can't Reenact a war that isn't over yet. Even the Civil War Reenactors waited until after the Battle of Appomattox Court House to get started, for gosh sakes! And even if they could do it, they were in the wrong place because I am neutral. Have Thanksgiving or don't have it, it makes no difference to me because I am the Switzerland of the War On Thanksgiving. And since when do Native Americans wear MAGA caps? He seemed a bit disappointed at first but then he perked up and said, "Well, it ain't illegal no more to be a durned draft dodger. Thank you, President Carter. You know, if Dick Nixon was still in charge, we'd drag you out here and shoot you. But since we can't, can we at least come in and have a beer? It was an awful long overnight march down here and some of the women and children are cold, hungry and tired." What could I do? Normally, I have a firm rule against serving beer before 9AM that hardly ever gets broken but I let them come in and drink all they wanted. One thing led to another and now they're staying for dinner. You might think that 10,000 unexpected guests would be a problem but lots of the people who are usually here didn't come because of COVID, so it's just turning out to be a normal Thanksgiving. The only real difference is that I'm arguing with other people's crazy uncles about the Trump Economy and The Tyranny Of Masks (They are very upset at my Mask Rule) instead of my own. There is one little problem. I got a call from the CDC a few minutes ago and the lady informed me that on January 20, they are going to retroactively declare this an Illegal SuperSpreader Event (I told her everyone is wearing masks but she didn't care). Until then it's classified as a Bigly Terrific Patriotic Freedom Fest. So I might have to pay a fine in January. Like I need that kind of governmental interference in my life! It's always something! Well, if you'll excuse me now, I'm going to have another beer. #HAPPYTHANKSGIVING