Missing Bill

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Today is the one year anniversary of Bill's passing. It's a hard date to deal with as Bill died at 9 a.m. in my arms. He didn't want to go in a hospital or a nursing home; he wanted to die where he loved living, he wanted to go in the country by a beautiful lake. Bill was a Police Sergeant for one of the local police forces. He was an honest and special man. He was a gentle man who didn't play favorites and all the people he dealt with liked him. The way he handled law breakers often changed the way the people led their lives and made them change from law breakers to honest law followers. If the law breakers ended up in court, they told the truth that they committed the crime and submitted to the punishment. And after serving the time for the crime they turned their lives around. Animals adored the man too. He would stop to pet a dog and he would be warned that the dog bites and Bill would put out his hand and the dog would give it a sniff and then would lick it and the next thing you would know they would be good friends and Bill would be petting the dog like they knew each other for years. It was the same with all animals. Even ones I took in to rehab that had been severely abused like Petey and Jonesy. The day I got the pair Jonesy jumped into Bill's lap the moment he sat down in my house. She had never done anything like that before. Petey came up, sniffed Bill's leg, and promptly jumped into his lap and then put his paws on Bill's shoulders and kissed him on the nose and purred loudly and begged to be petted. I couldn't ask for a better man in my life. Even though we were together 20 years it only seems like a day. I would have loved to have been with him for another 100 years. I adored doing things for the man, nothing was too much to do for him. When Bill asked me to marry him it was the most important day in my life, but I had to say "NO" for many reasons. One was that his daughter would have screaming fits, another was I would lose my disability income and the list goes on from there. Bill presented me with a list that he carefully had written out with a simple reason "WHY" we could be husband and wife and get married without all the problems. A month later we tied the knot. One of our neighbors set up the ceremony on his deck and another served as the "minister" and we were common law married. We exchanged vows and were married for 9 years when he passed away. In the state we live in common law marriages are not recognized as legal so we just were attached as boy friend/girl friend and nothing more serious. It worked out fine for us and his daughter, who never knew that we performed a common law wedding. Life is quiet and very lonely without my Boo Bear Bill. I had to be the one to tell the paramedics to let Bill go. I knew that is what he wanted. He didn't want to be tethered to a wheel chair or stuck in a hospital bed or in a hospital room or a nursing home. I felt like a murderer when I said to the paramedic not to do another shock treatment on Bill's heart. He wouldn't have been able to stand it. His heart wasn't in condition to take the shock treatments. His daughter had arrived by then and she had disappeared when it came time to make that important decision, it was left up to me. So, one year ago today, an hour to the minute to be exact, I made the decision to allow Bill to leave his earthly body and join his other family members in the great beyond. He can now live in much less pain and have a happy after life. I wish him well and am writing this to tell him that I miss him tremendously and hope he is well. I hope he has connected to old friends and family and they all are having a great time. I hope when my time comes that there is room for one more spirit in his group and that he allows me to join them. Until then, each June 8th at 9 and 10:08 I will hold a quiet service in my heart for the man that I adored and loved beyond words, and miss terribly deeply. And I will work helping others in Bill's name and remembrance until the day I am able to join him.