Pride Month

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"Happy pride month" the signs from corporations say. Rainbows are everywhere. People are adorning their pride merch. But I get fired for being openly transgender and queer. Happy Pride Month says YouTube. I started watching more trans YouTubers to help myself find peace and have a sense of community. But as I scroll through the comments, awful hate speech grows more rampant. I try not to look, but usually there are such kind words, and funny things to brighten up my day. But the hate comments have already left a nasty taste in my mouth. Happy Pride Month my mom says to me as she purposesly misgenders me and uses the name I was assigned at birth. Despite me being out for several years. Happy Pride month my sister says as she makes up stories as to why she thinks I am the way I am. She spreads her cold hearted "theories", to her friends who send me the screenshots. My lips tremble, my anger grows larger. I block her number and all ways of contacting me. Happy pride month says my dad, who used to scream "it's Adam and Eve!! Not Adam and Steve!!" In my face. I used to be his favorite but, I lost that privilege. Happy Pride Month says my friend who is best friends with someone who accused me of being a predator when I came out. (Because I rejected her overly sexual advances that I didn't want). I just stare at her. Happy pride month says myself, as I wonder why I was born this way, and why the people around me who I thought loved me for me, only do conditional love. But then a message pops up!! "Ahah, pride month more like rainbow capitalism!" One of my friends in my LGBTQ+ group teases. Several of us laugh along. I join in too on our laughter. We joke and chat about it. Our own experiences of dealing with people, it all being unique and eye opening. I turn to my journal, I grab my markers and write to myself "Happy Pride Month. I love you." And there I taped a printed out screenshot of my friends' conversation. Once again, I smile.