Learning to Say "No"
@shairai (37)
Philippines
August 12, 2021 12:05pm CST
When I was younger, I would always share toys with a playmate and sometimes, food to a friend. I would always say yes even without them asking. Generosity was a sweet gesture because my parents taught me that saying yes would make me a good, kind-hearted person.
As I grew up, I still practiced the habit of saying yes even when my heart wanted to say the opposite. Whether it be neighbors borrowing money or friends asking favors and elders asking help, I would immediately say yes for the sake of kindness.
I was taught to say yes to everyone and no to myself. I satisfied the needs of others while I suffered in silence. And growing up, "yes" just did not sound right anymore. I was blind with people who were abusive of my kindness. It was a mistake of me to associate goodness with saying yes all the time.
But I have learned the value of being kind to others while being kind to my own self. It took me a long while to finally say "no" to the abusive and careless and "yes" to myself.
Now, I understand that saying "no" is a not a sign of disrespect but self-respect.
Who taught you to say "no"? Have you any experiences with people abusive of your kindness?
9 people like this
10 responses
@shairai (37)
• Philippines
12 Aug 21
@sjvg1976 That's unfortunate. I understand. It really is difficult to answer the needs of others while you are struggling yourself. But, I am rooting for you. Make baby steps towards saying no. That is still a progress. Just take a leap of faith!
1 person likes this
@allknowing (135922)
• India
13 Aug 21
I am pretty good at it and so do not have many friends
1 person likes this
@allknowing (135922)
• India
13 Aug 21
@shairai When sensitivity takes over it becomes difficult when friends do not understand you but time is a diffusing factor and that is how people like me survive.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (69230)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
12 Aug 21
I've always been strong in terms of self-respect. If I'm not comfortable with something, I will say 'no'. Only when I get tired of an argument will I comply, But, I rarely let things get to that point.
1 person likes this
@shairai (37)
• Philippines
13 Aug 21
That's nice. It is true. We can say no and disagree to things that bring us discomfort. We should not adjust and suffer for the comfort of others.
@asianlady (2697)
• Ireland
12 Aug 21
I learned it from personal experience with friends and relatives.
1 person likes this
@asianlady (2697)
• Ireland
12 Aug 21
@shairai I understand, it's part of our cultures at some point.
@sharonelton (28700)
• Lichfield, England
19 Aug 21
I was silly and used to say yes a lot to someone who used to be my friend. But I realised that my parents were right and she was a bad influence. So I cut her out of my life altogether and I no longer say yes to her.
@sulynsi (2671)
• Canada
14 Aug 21
It's really about learning balance and knowing one's own limits.
It is a good thing to have a generous spirit.
Proverbs 11:25 says:
'The generous person will prosper,
And whoever refreshes others will himself be refreshed'
This doesn't mean allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.
Notice how the Proverb indicates an interchange - that is the ideal situation - and it has a lot to do with whom we associate, who we make friends with.
I found a short video that describes the difference between real friends and toxic or fake friends, that do, as you describe above, abuse your kind nature.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/teenagers/whiteboard-animations/whats-a-real-friend/
@wolfgirl569 (105820)
• Marion, Ohio
13 Aug 21
I never had a big problem saying no. But I grew up with parents who would help another out but not let themselves be taken advantage of
@Zoeas59 (13)
• Haninge, Sweden
16 Aug 21
When I was younger, people borrowed money from me.
They never paid back, and it was frustrating.
Later, when people asked me if they could borrow something, I said no.
