Meds and being manic or not

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So I was manic/hypomanic for four months or so. I felt great, best Ive ever felt in my life, at least sustained for so long. But I was being impulsive, spending too much money, making bad decisions,and hallucinating quite a bit. But I was happy, and I want that back again. At one point for about a week I was taking a mood stabilizer. This really made me feel like crap. zero motivation. Happiness completely gone. So I went off after a week,and the good feelings came back. but I got worse with the main,and went back on. I told my doctor I would stay on for a month until our next appointment. I feel so much like crap. This totally isn't worth it. I don't think I can do this for three more weeks. I think I would rather be a little crazy than feel like this. I mainly just need to get my crap together, follow my schedule, watch what I spend etc.