Is it Better to feel Rejected-because people Hate You or -because you're Loved-but-Too-Inconvenient?
@mythociate (21432)
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
November 27, 2021 7:35am CST
That second one is what I'm feeling now.
I don't think I'd like the first one either. I mean, it might start out as being "better that way" as I wouldn't EXPECT people to do me favors (mostly 'give me rides to places' ... which they often would before COVID-19).
And you'd think I'd be used to my 'loved-but-too-inconvenient' status (as my injury was over-26 years ago), but a) that was back when I was so young that OF-COURSE I was 'loved-but-too-inconvenient' (like ALL children are ... the reason why the childless are so happy & free 
);
and b) I spent 10-20 years living within-walking-distance to The Fun (church, a few restaurants, etc.), so I didn't notice all the people not taking me places ...
What makes me feel it? The Retreats that therapists/physicians call Brain-Injury Camps ... http://texaspilottbicamps.org/texas-traumatic-brain-injury-camps/
Don't get me wrong; they're GREAT excursions, where we can spend a little time away from our everyday routines! But ... I guess I never expected MY 'everyday routine' (moderate reclusion ... not 'locked away in a house out in the middle of nowhere,' but rather 'hardly ever going out'---even before COVID-19's quarantines!)
I expected MY everyday routine to be 'being taken along (by one of the med-students or therapists or physicians I met at one of the Camps, most likely 
) & helping them have fun!
But no, these medical people don't want to change their lives the way that many of the survivors' caregivers did when we (survivors) suffered our injuries; they just want to 'keep us quiet' for their 9-to-5 and then go hang out with the rest of the abled population.
(That's why it kinda 'disappointed' me when I found out that--although I think they do have to pay for their airfare-&-lodging-&-food--a lot of the medical staff GET PAID to be there!)
Back to my original question: would it be better to be 'just ignored because you're too dependent to be any fun,' or to be 'rejected out-loud (probably with some name-calling in there to confirm what kind of monster they think you are)'?
);
and b) I spent 10-20 years living within-walking-distance to The Fun (church, a few restaurants, etc.), so I didn't notice all the people not taking me places ...
What makes me feel it? The Retreats that therapists/physicians call Brain-Injury Camps ... http://texaspilottbicamps.org/texas-traumatic-brain-injury-camps/
Don't get me wrong; they're GREAT excursions, where we can spend a little time away from our everyday routines! But ... I guess I never expected MY 'everyday routine' (moderate reclusion ... not 'locked away in a house out in the middle of nowhere,' but rather 'hardly ever going out'---even before COVID-19's quarantines!)
I expected MY everyday routine to be 'being taken along (by one of the med-students or therapists or physicians I met at one of the Camps, most likely ) & helping them have fun!
But no, these medical people don't want to change their lives the way that many of the survivors' caregivers did when we (survivors) suffered our injuries; they just want to 'keep us quiet' for their 9-to-5 and then go hang out with the rest of the abled population.
(That's why it kinda 'disappointed' me when I found out that--although I think they do have to pay for their airfare-&-lodging-&-food--a lot of the medical staff GET PAID to be there!)
Back to my original question: would it be better to be 'just ignored because you're too dependent to be any fun,' or to be 'rejected out-loud (probably with some name-calling in there to confirm what kind of monster they think you are)'?2 people like this
4 responses
@aninditasen (16377)
• Raurkela, India
27 Nov 21
Avoid those kind of people who try to harm you mentally.
1 person likes this
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
27 Nov 21
Of course.
But what about the ones I don't want to avoid, who don't really want me around but are too "nice" to say so out loud?
1 person likes this
@aninditasen (16377)
• Raurkela, India
28 Nov 21
@mythociate If you like someone and that person avoids you, try to know the reason and talk to him or her.
1 person likes this
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
28 Nov 21
@aninditasen You're right; far too often, they turn away and ignore me as they're going on to 'where they're needed.' And I should go with them & help them, but too often I react with some passive-aggressive, sardonic (self-hurtful) remark (like "Oh, I'm just a useless blabber-head; never-mind ME" ... rumination that my conscious mind knows is 'just kidding'; but the SUBconscious mind can't tell "joking" from "serious" 
)
)1 person likes this
@sulynsi (2671)
• Canada
27 Nov 21
I think of the contrast between a bitter, resentful old lady I knew, who never missed a chance to complain about what others didn't do for her. Then there was the one was thankful for the smallest kindness, always cheerful, even though in terrible pain all the time.
What was done for the first lady was done out of duty, and to avoid conflict and further abuse. And only a few dared to venture to deal with her.
The second lady? Had many who WANTED to help her. They just loved to be of assistance to her.
There will be times that others disappoint us - it can be easy to take it personally. But it likely has much more to do with their own personal problems - maybe just tiredness, problems at home, having just dealt with a rude customer.
Why not assume the best of them and do what you can to brighten their day? Lighten their load? Some may take some time to 'warm up'. But the effort will be beneficial. It takes the focus off the problem and redirects it to being positive, upbuilding and kind. Which can only have good effects.
As Paul said, Do not let yourself be conquered by the evil, but keep conquering the evil with the good.”?—ROMANS 12:21. 1
1 person likes this
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
27 Nov 21
My main deal is "dating" (I know, I should be so-far-past-that that I'm talking about my son-or-daughter's dating-problems ... so I guess I mean something old-fashioned like "courting" or "wooing (pitching woo?)")
And--tho my 'current mind' IS 14 years younger than my body--I don't know if any 26-year-olds are out there looking for 40-year-old guys (no matter HOW old their minds are) ... especially 40-year-olds who aren't well paid and can't drive!
And I don't GET any warm-up time with them because (usually) they're ALREADY warm to 'their usual (abled) crowds.'
@1creekgirl (41387)
• United States
28 Nov 21
I went to your profile so I could follow you, but the follow button is grayed out and won't let me! It's strange.
@1creekgirl (41387)
• United States
28 Nov 21
I wish I had some answers for you. I can't imagine the difficulties you face.
