I’m Dreaming of a One-Inch-By-7AM-or-It’s-NOT-a White Christmas

Tweet

Yesterday I was watching the local meteorologist’s weather vlog. He’s a sn*w freak, and tags everything starting in, oh mid-August or so, with a “BOTS,” or “Bring On The Snow.” Weirdo. Anyway, he said something that shocked me. He said that it might sn*w here Christmas night, but flurries at best, and definitely NOT the “one inch by 7 AM” that is “required” to qualify as a “white Christmas.” Y’know, I thought I knew that song pretty darn well. I love Irving Berlin’s songs. And “White Christmas” is the biggest-selling song in history. But I don’t ever remember a line in that song that went: I’m dreaming of a white Christmas Which means we have an inch of snow It must be from heaven by the time of seven Or else its whiteness is a ‘no’ It’s downright peculiar to begin with that we have this dream of sn*w on the ground, four days into winter (or 25 days into meteorological winter), because a song that’s nearly 80 years of age said so. But then the National Weather Service — a government agency (which really should explain everything) — has to get involved and define a “white Christmas” like they’re Talmudic scholars defining work prohibited on the Sabbath. Government interference aside, I hope you have a white Christmas if you want one. Personally, I love watching sn*w fall….on a live You Tube stream somewhere else! Bing Crosby said that “a jackdaw with a cleft palate could’ve sung it successfully,” but it’s always associated with him: