At what age do you start to let go

I don't think that's unreasonable. I didn't like going to my parent's stupid functions either, but until I was 18, I had no choice. Even now I still choose to go generally, unless I have to work or have some other commitment. This year I'd much rather spend Christmas with my girlfriend than with my family. But I'll still spend the day with my family anyway, and my girlfriend and I will celebrate on another day. To me, the specific day doesn't matter that much anyway.

Dear Bunny2, Holiday traditions have always been a very important part of my family and especially this year because it will be the first one without my grandfather. I have 2 daughters one is 27 and the other is 21. They have been a part of Christmas since they were born and enjoy being there because they have parents, grandparents and great grandparents which is very rare. We all meet at my grandparents for Christmas eve and Christmas day. I also have 2 twin granddaughters who love the attention of so much family. We all know that Christmas is a tradition that does not change, but New Years was always negotiable. Sometimes we celebrate as family and others they celebrate with friends also known as extended family, but they know no matter where they are at midnight they call home and say Happy New Year and we Love You. So we look forward to the phone call and we see them for the New Year's dinner. pdp5419

I think at age 18 you can go..They arent adults till there 18 right? Thats the one age all kids wait for then they can say..IM AN ADULT NOW!! whether there mature or not..they can do what they want..So i say you still have a couple more years to say COME ON..YOUR GOING..lol..they can be all grumpy..untill they start to have fun..theyll be ok..Good Luck!@!

Christmas is a family function. There is nothing old fashioned about that. Why wouldn't a person want to be with their family on Christmas Day?

I'm wit you. They may be 16 but they should at least be with the family for the Christmas functions. I understand they want to do their thing, but they are still young. Maybe let them do something different for New Years, but of course they have to be home by a certian time... I hope that helps..

What i'd like to know is what a 16 year old has better to do on Christmas! they should be with you. they are the ones being unreasonable. you need to put your foot down and think about not giving them every thing you planned. they need to understand what being greatful is. something i don't think they are. as for new years i understand not wanting to spend it with your parents but at 16 they shouldn't be out anyway how about a compermise like they can have friends at your house instead of them going out. plus then you will know what is going on.

This is a hard one but I support you and your husband with regard to this one Bunny2. It might be that you have to reach a compromise though, in that they attend certain functions with you and the other times they are free to do their own thing. When our son is here in Australia, then "the rule" is that we spend our birthdays together as well as Good Friday and Christmas Day. As an adult (now 30), he is free to spend New Year's Eve with his friends. Of course the fact that he is single helps the situation a lot. I cannot say that we always attended family functions over the years because we lived in different states and so it wasn't always possible. However, for significant events we did visit family, or at least one of us represented the family at these events. It does sound to me like you will need to make some compromises Bunny2 and perhaps if you can start this year, it will make it a little easier in the coming years. Good luck. :)

well you are not, its just they don't understand.

No you are not being unreasonable at all If you had the situation that I have got my Son has a Partner and they live here with me but on Christmas Day they are with her Parents then Boxing Day here that would be different But Kids today do not appreciate it anymore like we do I am afraid so I really don't know what to say The only thing I can suggest is try reasoning with them

i dont think tht 17 yr old children should nt celebrate christmas n new yrs. with thr parents... infact being with ur parents n family on such occassions..should be the best gift for thm no matter what their age is

well, i understand if the 18 year old doesnt come, because he/she is an adult. but what excuses do the twins have for not joining you? honestly, they are still kids..and you can tell them what to do. i know you prolly dont to become the evil mom, but sometimes you just gotta put your foot down on things.

I dont think your being unreasonable at all, I am 24 years old engaged and have a child of my own but i always go to my familys for christmas day and we also do something with my fiances family! They have to remember they still are only children they are only 16 years old and i am guessing they live with you and your husband, It is hard but i would maybe let them do what they want to do for christmas but there is no way i would let a 16 year old go out and do there own thing on new years eve, i seriously think it is just to dangerous! Christmas isnt the same without your family!

its not that u r unresponsible.. the thing is that the twins started to stand in their way, this will help them to be experienced in their work and life

16/17 or 18/19 my daughte ris 18 and moved in with her b/f this year its been hard to get my head round and still hard but she is starting her own life now and as hard as it is we have found a compromise over xmas its never easy to let your children go but all you can do is let them make there own mistakes and be there for them

No, not unreasonable, just realistic. My daughters are 21 and 18. My 18 yr old doesnt want to do much with us. She is trying to develop her own identity and life/independence. As well, she is in the righteous mode so whatever my wife says is stupid and not to be listened to as she is smarter. I have a better relationship with her though because I recognized she was growing up and wanted her space and I let her know I understood her and would help her to feel independent. I also was a go between for her and my wife. Of course my wife dislikes her independence because she wants her little girl back, and doesnt want her to grow up and leave the home. It's a sad feeling watching your little angel move away from you but you understand it's the best thing for her so she can learn to deal with the world. My only demand from her is if she needs help or in a bad situation, she must call me immediately. And she does. Eventually she will swing back looking for more family connections on her own terms as my 21 year old has been doing. It sound like your girl is growing up well as this is the first time she wants to go her own way. If you push her too hard she will start to rebel and move away faster and more permanently. Give it some thought.

well,it depends on the culture I guess. Here in Belgium (and in the rest of Western Europe I believe...) kids from 16/17 years old want to celebrate new year with their friends at some kind of a party rather then with their 'boring' family... Of course customs at your place might be different :-)) Letting go of your kids will never be easy... xxx

tough age, when I was that age I had many male friends that I hung out with, which we usually just hung out at another female friends. It was kind of our local hang out, there were several of us, I always talked to my mom about things and the rule of the house was you call me when you get there, and you call me when you are leaving, and wake me when you get home, if not then there was hell to pay. Trust your daughter and have open communication with her.

Parents give the body the child brings his mind and develops it according to his personality. He/She is a total individual with his likes and dislikes his preferences. During your time you went for family functions because others went or because it was the norm even though you did not want to go but were afraid to say no .or maybe did not want to hurt someones feelings.You must appretiate that today generation kids know their priorities,their minds and decisions are based on logic and not to please others or follow set established patterns or norms.For a mother even a grown up will be her child always give them space, let go and see the difference they will be closer to you.

You know that saying that says if you love something you have to let it go? Me, I am an 18 yr old female. I was extremely rebellious in middle and high school. Now, I enjoy spending time with my family, I get along wonderfully with my mother. When you force your children to do something (though I know your intentions are pure), you are actually pushing them away. They feel small, unimportant and unlistened to. This mkaes them resent what you made them do, and they feel the need to rebel against it (hence why they don't want to spend this time with you).

I think that it aint about being unreasonable but more frightened that eventually you have to at least loosen the reins. A parent should never really let go but eventually they have to learn that this is how it has to be. At least you ain't at their wedding yet or a grandmother for that matter. This is when the letting go will really set in and then you will see that it will all still be ok!