It's New Year's Eve, 2021, Ya Beatniks! (MyLot Exclusive #811)

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Betty White died today, which is a real drag because I was so excited about going to her 100th birthday party, which she's missing by 17 days, but the really sad thing is that she's having a much better day than I am. It all started when I woke up this morning. In Times Square. That was OK because I love New York but I was a bit confused as to why I was there. Then someone told me it was New Year's Eve and it made sense. I was hungry, so I called Denver and told them to send an Omelet. The girl who answered their phone said, "Sorry, dude. We're out of Omelets. Supply chain issues. Try calling Belgium. They might have some Waffles left." I patiently explained that if I wanted Waffles, I would have called Belgium in the first place. The day went further downhill from there. Somehow, I ended up in Hong Kong. That was before Manilla. But after Tokyo. I was in Fiji, too. My friend Santa was there, still complaining because he had to work the other night. Then we crossed the International Date Line a few times...And I'm not sure how it works but it's today and then tomorrow or yesterday and vice versa. Usually in reverse but sometimes the other way around. I'm sparing you the boring travel details so I can bore you with the boring domestic details. As you can see, I'm back home now. I think. I'm also pretty sure I'm dressed, as you can plainly see. But not in my favorite tux. I don't know if I told you but I'm having trouble with Mabel, the owner of Mabel's Dry Cleaning & Live Bait Emporium. She said, "You can have your tux back only after you make all your guests take off the "Kiss Me, I'm Naughty," thongs and everything else." I told her I would love to order all my female guests to strip but Judge Wapner said I couldn't do that anymore. Luckily, my favorite bowling shirt was clean so I don't need that stupid tux anyway. There are more downhill details but you get my drift. 2021 is ending the same way it started. #HAPPYNEWYEAR